The Tiger Took My Sanity
by Tracy Smith
Summary: Thought this story was dead, huh? IT'S BACK! Only a couple more things to wrap up after this. . .
1. Coredesat

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 1: Coredesat

Author's notes:

Reposted, with a minor correction.

Thank you Fifilafemme and LeDiva, for reviewing my previous story! Hmm. . .this time I do. . .pastries! Apple napples for the two of you!

Sorry folks, I couldn't resist. It's another fanfic by me! As usual, no pairings, because I'm boring like that. I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh, any of the characters, any artists, any video games, the song "Coredesat" (that's owned by Des-Row), the song "S.O.S. (the tiger took my family)" (that's owned by Dr. Bombay. . .I had to modify the title, because they won't let me put parenthesis in the title), or any really strange telephone calls to Konami (I also don't own Konami).

This story takes place shortly after the Doom saga. . .and yes, those adorable Doom Warriors will make an appearance.

Raphael: Adorable?

Me: Do you REALLY want me to put my opinion of you in this fic?

Raphael: I think I'll pass.

The rating is currently PG, but it WILL change to PG-13 once I get the second chapter up.

And so it begins. . .the beginning of the end of all logic. . .

-

Pegasus gazed out of a random window. He sat in a random room in Industrial Illusions, wondering if his beloved Duel Monsters were happy, whereever they were. Most of them wouldn't be able to tell him directly. Perhaps it was time to create more human monsters.

He took a sip of a semi-dry cabernet. The initial flavor of the wine was a bit strong for his tastes, but the aftertaste was pleasantly sweet. He thought back to the evolution of his game. The first few creatures were meant to be scary, but then they had slowly but surely become more lovable. Perhaps it was time to create a set where ALL the creatures were completely adorable.

His mind began to wander further. Yes, a set made up of creatures, but creatures that even an Amish farmer could adore. The Magic and Trap cards would have to complement the creatures. A rather off-the-wall idea struck him. If he could convince a certain someone to lend a hand, then another series might benefit from his little idea. And, last but not least, the characters he had in mind were completely adorable.

He went back up to his office and speed-dialed a certain company. In a few minutes, he was speaking to the person he requested. Pegasus hatched his plan.

After a few rounds of negotiations, Pegasus thought he had an agreement. It had taken the better part of 15 minutes, but he felt that it had been worth it. He could've demanded more of the royalties, but where's the fun in that? Hmm. . .where's the fun, eh? Pegasus chuckled evilly. His new set was going to be far more amusing than he had originally planned.

-

Author's notes, again:

"S.O.S. (the tiger took my family)" is a rahter ridiculous song that debuted in Beatmania IIDX 3rd Style. I adapted the title to fit my evil pruposes.

"Coredesat" is the opening theme for Beatmania: The Final. It made an appropriate chapter title, as this is the beginning of the end.

I'll introduce the person that Pegasus was talking to in the next chapter, as I have very little reason to do so now. For those of you who are wondering, Pegasus called Konami's JAPAN branch. . .not that it will help anyone to figure out the identity of the caller. Oh, and Pegasus will be calling Konami a few more times, to get consent from a few more artists. . .artists of a different stripe.

The next chapter will introduce a few cards from the set, as well as some very twisted humor by me. Brace yourselves!

Reviews are welcome (if this chapter was boring, then hold off to Chapter 2). 


	2. Butterfly

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 2: Butterfly

Author's notes:

Edited a part of Chapter 1 that I forgot to change. Sorry!

Okay. . .Dark Rabbit, Fifilafemme, Peeka-chan, and LeDiva, you all get donut holes for reviewing! Thank you!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh, and of the characters. . .and this disclaimer will be finished at the end of this chapter.

Movin' On!

-

It had been a normal day at school. It had almost been a normal day after school. Yugi found a package waiting for him. It looked like a package from Industrial Illusions. Inside the package was a note.

"You have been cordially invited to a pre-release tournament of a never-before seen expansion set."

The note then went on about details about the meeting place and time of said tournament. It also mentioned something about an entry card. Yugi searched the remnants of the package a bit more closely. A Duel Monsters card lay face-down between two sets of bubble wrap.

Yugi immediately went to work on the bubble wrap.

o.o.o

Mai Valentine was having a horrid day. Her hair refused to cooperate, her car battery had died, and her duel disk was on the fritz. Worse yet, one of the strings on her corset had snapped, giving men within a one-mile radius of her phenomenal nosebleeds.

A package sat near her door. Without a second thought, Mai chucked it out of the nearest window. It was probably a bomb.

Something hit Raphael on the head. It was far too large to be the Blessings of a Bird. He picked up the offending item. It was a package addressed to Mai Valentine. With a sigh, he went to return the errant package to its owner.

"Must I get a restraining order against you too?" Mai said tartly, as she glared at the person on the other side of her door. Raphael simply held up the package.

"I think you dropped this," he said, trying his best to quash the urge to rearrange her pretty face.

"It didn't explode? GIVE THAT TO ME!" Before Raphael could react, she had snatched the parcel from him, and shut the door.

Or, she tried to shut the door. Raphael's trenchcoat got stuck in the door. After several enlightening phrases from Mai, she opened the door again.

"Are you going to stand there and stare at my-" Before the irritated woman could finish her sentence, Raphael pointed down. The hem of his trenchcoat was firmly entrenched in the door hinge.

The former Doom Biker yanked at his trenchcoat. The piece of clothing refused to budge. Mai tried repositioning the door. The hinge refused to let go.

An hour later, Raphael had managed to get his trenchcoat out, but remnants of it were still stuck between the door hinges. Mai did her best to clear her door hinge; Raphael did his best not to sprout a nosebleed.

The package from Industrial Illusions was open. Raphael snuck a peek at the note. It was an invitation of sorts, and it looked exactly the same as the one he had gotten earlier that day. Out of curiosity, he took a peek in the box.

A card sat there, sandwiched between two pieces of bubble wrap. Raphael smiled evilly to himself.

In moments, Raphael and Mai were fighting over the bubble wrap.

o.o.o

Malik Ishtar looked at the package in his hands. How did Pegasus manage to mail such a thing to the Ishtar residence, which STILL didn't have a valid street address?

He gingerly opened the box, fully expecting a jack-in-the-box, or some other prank. Instead, he found a note. He took the time to read it. He sensed a presence over his shoulder. It was his older sister.

"You too?" she asked cryptically, before leaving silently. He shook his head, then examined the box more closely. A card had been sent with the box. Malik's eyes widened.

It was time to pop bubble wrap.

o.o.o

Yugi wiped a tear from his eye. All the bubble wrap had been turned into so much flat plastic. In sorrow, he turned his attention towards the card that had been protected by the fun stuff. His sadness turned to confusion, which turned into a rather inapprorpiate reaction.

_WTF-10  
Hooker's Hunting Ground  
Any female monster that shows clevage may attack directly. This does not apply to card pictures that were meant for a country other than the one this Duel is taking place in. If "cleavage" is unclear, please ask the nearest anime freak/judge that isn't your opponent for details.  
Common (Field Magic)_

Yugi did his best to tear his eyes away from the artwork, which didn't look like it was meant for kids. He giggled.

Somewhere, deep within the Millenium Puzzle, the pharoah sighed. Was it possible that the pharoah had been so. . .young?

o.o.o

Surprisingly, no one was hurt. The bubble wrap fight had ended with both sides getting one side of the bubble wrap. Mai took a look at her card. So did Raphael. Their expressions went from curiosity to shock. Both were certain that Amelda would flip if he saw the card Mai had just received.

_WTF-32  
Blue-Eyes Neo-Fascist Dragon  
Whenver this card destroys a monster as a result of battle, create one "Member of the Perfect Race" token (Light/Reptile; 4; 1000/1000) in Attack Mode on your side of the field.  
Light/Dragon/Effect; 8; 3100/2100; Super Rare_

Mai and Raphael looked at each other, then giggled. It HAD to be a coincidence. . .right?

o.o.o

Malik's happiness disappeared with the last bits of bubble wrap. He was bored. He picked up the card Pegasus had sent him. His eyes widened in shock. He quickly put the card far, far away from him, and blushed.

_WTF-42  
DJ Nyah  
This card can and will destory any monster it battles with, if said monster has "DJ" in its name, BUT it cannot destory "DJ Zilch" as a result of battle or by the effect of this card (for that matter, this card can't inflict Battle Damage to the owner of "DJ Zilch.  
Light/Queen of DJs/Effect; 5; 1900/1000; Ultra Rare_

Malik made the mistake of thinking about how the woman on the card was dressed. His nosebleed skyrocketed him clear out of the house. Ishizu looked out of the hole in the wall, and sighed. She looked at Malik's card. How did HE get such a rare card? She pulled the card she had gotten out of the folds of her robes.

_WTF-20  
The Non-Negatable Trap  
This card's activation can only be negated by a Counter Trap. This card can be activated regardless of Monster Effects or Continuous Traps that say otherwise. Negate your opponent's next Special Summon.  
Common (Trap, obviously)_

Malik had all the luck.

-

Author's notes:

Four per chapter. That's how many cards I plan on introducing. This is gonna be a LONG fic. . .

Now, for the rest of the disclaimer:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert version here), any of the artwork, any of the songs, any of the characters, any of the stories behind the characters, or any of its artists. I also do NOT own "Butterfly" (it's the smile.dk version).

"Butterfly" is the cliched beginning song of DDR. The start of something evil, if you will.

Hooker's Hunting Ground is a horrible pun of Harpie's Hunting Ground. The card name was thought up by me; the general effect was suggested by a friend. I modified it a bit. . .and. . .voila! Card.

Blue-Eyes Neo-Fascist Dragon had a longer story behind it, one which will be explained in a future chapter (which one, I don't know. . .the card that the four characters in this chapter got were purely random). Mai and Raphael shared The Giggle of Discomfort, because both of them are fairly close to "The Perfect Race". It HAD to be a coincidence. . .and don't even THINK about Mai x Raphael. . .

In the wonderful world of Beatmania IIDX, DJ Nyah is the best DJ so far (not counting a certain incident with DJ Zilch, which I shall detail later). Her stats are made to look like the Thunder Nyan Nyan. She wears a pink-and-white top that kind of looks like a bra and pink-and-white bike shorts. No wonder poor Malik got a nosebleed (just LOOK at how Ishizu dresses).

The Non-Negatable Trap is my way of thumbing my nose at Jinzo.

All the DJs are copyright GOLI Matsumoto, not me! I just turned them into cards!


	3. fun

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 3: fun

Author's notes:

Thank you Fifilafemme (even if that little incident wasn't the point of the fic)! Er. . .hmm. . .ah, here's a blueberry tart!

And from Summer Vacation. . .thank you Chaka'sGirl! You get. . .hrmm. . .ah, corn flake cookies!

Once again, I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. . .ah, heck with it, the rest of the disclaimer is at the end of this chapter.

-

Joey Wheeler stared at the invitation he'd received from Industrial Illusions. At the very bottom, in small print, the writer of the invitation required 20 cards from the invitee's deck as proof that the latter had received the invitation. 20 cards would seem to be excessive, by a non-duelist. Joey knew better. 20 was half the minimum deck size, and he'd be a dog if he kept his deck at a minimum!

He noticed a card at the bottom of the packaging. He slowly took the card out, careful to preserve the bubble wrap. He planned on mailing it (the bubble wrap, not the card) to Serenity, so she could drive everyone except herself nuts.

He looked at the card he'd gotten. He stared. He stared hard. He stared harder. The person on the card had nicely-tanned skin and pure white hair, tied up in what appeared to be a doubled-over ponytail. It (the guy in the picture, NOT the ponytail) grinned evilly.

_WTF-30  
DJ Ereki  
Whenever this card goes into battle, you can destroy the monster this card is supposed to battle by mixing a drink, and naming the drink (within legal limits). Your opponent can then sample the drink, within legal limits. The same mixed drink cannot be used more than once per Duel.  
Wind/Bartender/Effect; 4; 1850/0; Short Print (yes, really)_

Joey went in search of a book he'd found in a room he wasn't supposed to be in. This was going to take some creativity!

o.o.o

Mokuba looked at the invitation that his brother had just thrown to the ground. It looked interesting. It was a pity that Mokuba didn't have a deck at the moment. He heard soft popping sounds. Upon seeing the card included in the package, Seto had run off, presumably to, "dispose of the extra wrapping." Yeah, right.

In his haste to "dispose" of the bubble wrap, Seto had left his card on the table. Out of curiosity, Mokuba took a peek. It was completely blank. Mokuba sighed. This HAD to be a joke.

o.o.o

After Dartz had vanished, the three Doom Bikers had found each other again, and were at a complete loss as to what to do. After about three seconds of discussions, the former Doom Warriors knew that there was no way in the Nine and a Half Hells that they would share the same house. Varon snored, and Amelda sleepwalked (straight into various pieces of furniture/appliances/points of exit). Raphael had gotten more than one ear infection by wearing earplugs to bed every night.

Varon also had the nasty habit of putting the toilet seat down.

Despite their differences, they had agreed to keep in touch. Varon had kept his look nearly the same. The difference was the lack of goggles. After one too many incidents with incontenent birds, he'd ditched them altogether. Amelda had finally taken a hint (from the unfortunate kids he tutored), and wore a simple, baggy T-shirt and looser jeans. He claimed it was because of something he'd read in one of his pupil's books. Perhaps it was better not to ask.

Raphael's clothing was usually based on what he needed to do. Since his trenchcoat had been chewed up by a door hinge, he had changed into a long-sleeved collared shirt (still dark gray) and slacks. He looked somewhat like a bouncer.

At the moment, Varon and Amelda were arguing over the fine points of the invitation they had received. Theirs were identical to the one Raphael had nearly tripped over a couple of mornings ago. All three were a bit puzzled that they were required to bring half a deck. What did Pegasus have in store for them?

Raphael sighed and looked at the card he got. It had to be karma.

_WTF-22  
DJ Celica  
"What's up"  
Wind/Cliche; 3; 1400/1200; Super Rare_

He'd received the worst cliche of them all; the absolutely useless Super Rare. At least the girl on the card could be considered cute, lavender hair and violet, semi-hentai eyes nonwithstanding. Raphael preferred his women a bit older, and without the pigtails. The glare from the foil temporarily blinded Varon, who swore profusely.

"That's the card you received? What a cutie," Varon remarked dryly. That got Amelda's attention.

"Purple hair! Ewww!" Amelda exclaimed. Raphael shook his head. Apparantly, Amelda's experience as Pegasus had given him a permanent purple hair phobia.

"I dare say mine is cuter," Varon remarked, as he pulled out his own card. Amelda's face turned a very intriguing shade of red.

"Wow. . .she's hot," the flustered Doom Warrior said breathlessly. Looser jeans WERE a good idea.

Raphael took a peek over his companion's shoulder. He blinked several times. The woman on the card stared back, defiant. Her features marked her as Oriental, and the swords in her hands only heightened the effect. Raphael noticed rather quickly that she had replaced her bra with bandages.

"Wow. . .she's hot," he said, almost without realizing it. Varon gave them both a crooked smile.

"That's what I get for being the best-looking guy of the bunch!" he exclaimed happily. Raphael tore his eyes off the woman in the picture, and read the effect. . .and sorely wished for a microscope. Was it possible for the writing to get any smaller?

_WTF-11  
DJ Sakura  
This monster can only be Ritual Summoned by the effect of "Undying Sword of Rage". You must also offer monsters whose star level total is 6 or more. (technical Union Monster stuff goes here). This card can only be equipped to "DJ Iroha". The equipped monster gains 2500 Attack. Negate the effect of a monster that is destroyed as a result of battle with this card, or with whatever is equipped with this card. (Union Monster technical garbage goes here)  
Dark/Formerly Dead/Ritual/Union/Effect; 6; 2500/0; Ultra Rare_

Amelda squinted hard at the card. He whistled. "She's sexy, and she kicks ass," he muttered to himself. The redhead was definitely overreacting to the situation.

"So, where's your chick?" Varon asked, eager to make fun of whatever Amelda got.

"I guess you could say that," Amelda growled, and took his card out of his wallet. Raphael did several double-takes. This card was wrong in more ways that one!

_WTF-33  
DJ Siren  
"A very confused import of sorts. Therefore, he gravitated towards a teaching position"  
Earth/Engrish Teacher; 4; 1000/1500; Common (orange)_

The man in the picture sported purple hair. His nail polish matched his hair perfectly. The card itself looked like it was supposed to be an effect monster, but the effect box held nothing but flavor text. Lastly, wasn't the monster's crazy subtype supposed to be, "English Teacher"?

"I think Pegasus doesn't like you," Raphael said evenly. Amelda glared. Varon laughed heartily. Maybe Raphael had gone a bit too far. Oh, well.

"You'll get a chance to tell Pegasus precisely what you think of him. . .tomorrow," the somewhat-conscience-plagued Doom Warrior added. The three of them parted, knowing that they'd see each other again. . .VERY shortly.

o.o.o

Yugi hung up the phone. Joey had just given him an earful and a half. Joey's monster had a subtype that no one had heard of. Furthermore, its effect was potentially illegal. Therfore, Joey had concluded that Pegasus must have finally fallen for his good looks, blah, blah, blah. In truth, Joey was far more interested in the girls at school. This was something Yugi didn't like. The girls were supposed to worship HIM!

The pharoah was quite tired of running around in his mind room. Ever since Yugi's initial reaction to a Duel Monsters card he'd never heard of, Yugi had kept him stuffed in the puzzle, as if he was trying to hide something.

Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

-

Author's notes, again:

Okay, the rest of the disclaimer:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert version number here), any artists, the story behind the IIDX DJs, or any of the wonderful DJs that appear within the Beatmania IIDX series, or the song "fun" (that's owned by Mr. T. . .I don't think I need to explain the title).

Four monsters made an appearance, all of the DJs.

DJ Ereki works as a bartender; thus, his effect.

DJ Celica was the first female DJ to make an appearance, and ever since her debut (in 3rd Style or so), she's been drawn younger and younger. Therefore, I have put her in as the cliche of the series.

DJ Sakura had already died. . .and for some strange reason, has been resurrected (I don't know much more than this). She's also DJ Nyah's chief rival.

DJ Siren is the only DJ from America, and I wasn't making up the bit about the nail polish. In the story, he's an English teacher who thought that Japan was still inhabited by ninjas, geishas, and the like. Whatever.

I pick these cards by random. Therefore, I found it highly amusing when Amelda wound up with DJ Siren. I'm sure the two of them would find much in common with each other. Varon got extremely lucky; if I had a choice, I would have given his card to Kaiba, if only to have him utter the magical words that most are doomed to utter as soon as they lay sight on DJ Sakura. Raphael's card may not be quite as unlucky as he thinks; this will be explained later.

All DJs are owned by GOLI Matsumoto!

All right, fire away with the reviews!


	4. Glorious Days

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 4 - Glorious Days

Author's notes:

Hmm. . .thank you LeDiva and Aisha-Chan. . .here's some wonderful mini-croissants!

Again, I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh, its characters, or the song "Glorious Days" (that is owned by Noria and whoever did the instrumentation). Due to the nature of this chapter. . .well. . .no more disclaimers!

-

It looked like Pegasus had gathered more than a few duelists. Joey looked about, keeping his nervousness to himself. Most of the duelists were familiar. A few were familiar in a less-than-wonderful way. A certain Ishtar smirked at Joey before losing himself in the crowd. Joey kept his growl to himself. Malik wasn't worth the effort.

Someone giggled. Joey whirled around to see Mai, who winked at him. In her own semi-playful, semi-slutty way, she made her way towards him.

"Well, kiddo, looks like you were invited," she said, teasingly. Joey wasn't sure whether to blush or run.

"Yeah. . .but. . ." Joey stammered out. Mai had somehow gotten a bit closer to him. She seemed to have a bit of a problem with personal space. . .

"Just because I owe you doesn't mean that I'm gonna go easy on you." She giggled again and bounded off, bouncing rather impressively. Motion caught Joey's eye. One of the Doom Warriors shook his head.

"She'll never learn," Raphael muttered. Joey arched an eyebrow, but decided that it was better not to ask.

"I GOT your stupid invitation, and you MORONS aren't letting me in!" a very irritating voice shrieked. Was it possible that Seto Kaiba's voice could go that high?

"Now, now, let's not get hostile," another irritating voice replied. The tournament's coordinator came out, in what seemed like the only clothing he owned. Pegasus' non-operational eye was hidden by his very feminine hair. Tea wanted to know what kind of shampoo he used.

After more than a few words between several parties, Seto Kaiba was let in, with Mokuba in tow. Deep within, Joey felt a little envious. Why couldn't HE have his younger sister with him all the time? Joey couldn't formulate a good answer before a loudspeaker crackled to life.

"No, I will NOT moon the crowd! Oh, the microphone's on? Excuse me! Hello everyone, and welcome to that which I called a tournament. Or rather, what you believed to be a tournament." The magnified giggle/laugh/snicker/whatever of Pegasus echoed through the room. Many mouth corners dropped.

"The first match will be an exhibition match, one between me and the owner of a blank card. Now, who did I give that to? Ah, yes, the one and only Mokuba Kaiba!" The floor shook as most of the room facefaulted. Joey kept to his feet, but barely.

"But. . .I. . ." Mokuba protested weakly, as two of Pegasus' guards picked the child up and walked off with him. Seto peeled his face off the ground just in time to see his little brother get hauled off yet again. Joey silently wondered if Mokuba Kaiba would grow up to be a screwed-up mess. . .like his brother.

"Hmm, what's this? My, you look too intelligent! Oh, YOU are Mokuba? Well, please pardon me, I must have gotten the two of you mixed up again. Will Seto Kaiba please report to the stage, to get his rabid brother OFF MY LEG!" The entire crowd burst into giggles as Pegasus' pink boxers were exposed to the world. Unfortunately, Seto had just made it up to the stage.

"Oh dear, I'M GONNA BE SICK!" the CEO of Kaiba Corporation said, as he streaked off the stage. The CEO of Industrial Illusions put his pants back on, much to the relief of many in the crowd. A crowd gathered around a particular spot. Joey moved/shoved his way towards the front.

Ishizu Ishtar had been a bit too close to the front when Pegasus had lost his pants. Malik desperately shook his sister. A figure in a trenchcoat made its way to the front. Amelda whispered something to Malik, who nodded and walked off. The redhead gently cradled Ishizu's still form. He leaned down and said something inaudible to her prone figure. In moments, Ishizu's right hand had left a decent-sized mark on Amelda's face. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Amelda melted back into the crowd. Malik helped his sister up. Ishizu dusted herself off and haughtily walked off.

"I'm sorry for the extended introductions, but now that Seto Kaiba is back, we can begin." Pegasus stopped to clear his throat. From out of his jacket pocket, the purple-haired, one-eyed CEO produced three packs of cards, and gave them to the brown-haired, slightly-cross-eyed CEO.

"The rules for this particular set are the same as always, with one exception. Twenty-one of these monsters have subtypes that have never been seen before. You're allowed to keep only one face-up monster with a given unique subtype on your side of the field. If anything forces you to disobey this rule, then the duplicate subtype must be destroyed immediately, unless you can find a way around this rule." Joey took out the card he had gotten. It was a "Bartender", so Joey assumed that it was a unique subtype.

"The first match will be between myself and Seto Kaiba. Because we're not here to show off all the intricacies of this set, both of us will start with 1000 Life Points. I assure you, the rest of you will be starting with a much higher total." Seto's face broke into a grin.

"Oh, and remember those packs I gave you? Twenty of those cards must go into your deck." Seto's face deteriorated into a frown. He leafed through the cards again, and put most of what he had been given into his deck.

"Well, don't just stand there looking stupid. It's your move!" Pegasus announced. Seto drew his hand, completely unamused.

It was going to be a long duel.

-

Author's notes:

I meant to release cards in every chapter. . .but THIS chapter took on a life of its own! Therefore, I'll put the rest of what was supposed to be in this chapter into the next one!

The song "Glorious Days" sounds a bit overdone, much like this chapter. Please forgive me!

Please refer to the last chapter if you need a refresher on the card Joey received.

Last but not least, reviews, SVP.

Raphael: You're NOT French.

Me: YOU are adorable. . .hey, where are you going? 


	5. General Relativity

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 5 - General Relativity

Author's notes:

Hehehe. . .seems I messed up. . .this chapter is reloaded to fix that little error. . .

Thanks for reviewing KISEKI and this fic, Fifilafemme. Hmm. . .you'll get a chocolate-covered eclair for your reviews! I'll try to keep things as funny as possible.

I'm back! And this time, the cards shall come out to play!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .ah, the rest of this is at the END of the chapter!

Seto nearly fell over when he saw his beloved Blue-Eyes White Dragon. It was a beacon of normalcy, unlike the card that hid pitifully behind it. Seto read the card. . .and read the card again.

WTF-18 Moronic Captain Please see (an address in the authoress' profile) for instructions about how to calculate the attack of this card. Otherwise, the Attack of this card is 0.  
Earth/Warrior/Effect; 4; 0/0; Common

With nothing to lose, Seto Kaiba played the brown-haired Moronic Captain in Attack Mode. Pegasus seemed a bit surprised.

"It looks like we're going to need to calculate the attack of that card. Well, well, I've got just the thing!" Pegasus handed Seto a laptop. Seto's eyes scanned the screen. His brow furrowed. He scanned the screen again.

"What kind of joke is this! I don't have time to calculate an 18-variable equation!" Pegasus only laughed at the younger duelist's outrage.

"If you can program a computer, you can take five minutes off to write everything down," Pegasus said, as he handed Seto a notepad and a pen.

A stream of very impolite words left Seto's mouth. "You freak, it's a negative number!" he screeched.

"So it seems. For my purposes, you played a monster with 0 Attack. How sad." Seto ignored Pegasus' remark and placed two cards face down before ending his turn.

Pegasus stylishly drew a card, then chuckled. "My, my, who do we have here?" He played the card he drew, which appeared to be a monster card.

From the light stepped a man in a business suit. He held an article of clothing that looked like it was meant for a woman. Seto took a closer look at the man's outstretched arm. The man had added a spiky oversleeve, which made him look somewhat ridiculous. He also wore some sort of spiked head piece within his wild mane of black hair. He did an up-and-down of Seto before glaring at him with red/brown eyes.

"I don't believe the two of you have been introduced. DJ Shem, this is Seto Kaiba. Seto Kaiba, this is your doom." Seto growled.

_WTF-35  
DJ Shem  
If your opponent is wearing a shirt with a collar, this card gains 1500 Attack Points. If not, then this card gains 1500 Defense Points. If your opponent is not wearing any clothing above the waist, then this card gains 1500 Attack and Defense Points.  
Dark/Fashion Designer/Effect; 4; 700/700; Rare_

A little holographic window showed DJ Shem's original statistics, which were hardly impressive. Seto looked down at his shirt. It was one of the many collared shirts he owned. DJ Shem's Attack rose accordingly. In no time at all, Seto found himself staring at a 2200 monster.

"However, it wouldn't be fair if I attacked you outright. I'll simply place this card face-down, and end my turn. Your move, Kaiba boy." A weak chuckle made its way through the crowd.

"You should have attacked," Seto said, as menacingly as a 2200 Attack point difference allowed him to say. He drew, and much to the crowd's pleasure, juggled the card for a bit.

"Before I begin to destroy you, I think I'll activate this!" Seto pushed a button on his duel disk. He'd activated a Trap card. A card with a song list was revealed.

_WTF-60  
The Missing Assault Course  
All monsters with the word "DJ" in their names go to Defense Position, and their position cannot be changed until you and your opponent have gone through an End Phase.  
Common (Trap)_

DJ Shem's eyes widened. He fell flat on his rear. The audience laughed.

"Then I'll activate my other face-down card!" A voice that could have belonged to a certain dog muttered something that was far from complimentary. The card's name was a part of the card artwork.

_WTF-38  
Brightness Darkness  
Destroy all cards on the field except for Common cards.  
Common; Counter (Trap)_

In moments, the scariest monster Seto had seen had vanished. Pegasus' face-down card started to shimmer. Before Seto could figure out what was going on, Pegasus flipped off Kaiba (the CEO, not the sidekick), Duel Monsters style.

"I activate Ring of Destruction in response to your Trap, thus ending this in a tie." Several grenades appeared around DJ Shem. He looked down and blinked in confusion. The Ring exploded, dropping both players down to 0. Seto groaned. Pegasus walked right past his stunned opponent and to the microphone.

"Now that I've shown you all how this set can work, I'll pair off exactly eight of you. Their job is to educate everyone else in the fine points of this set. All right, let the numbers roll!"

One by one, the numbers stopped.

Author's note:

Sorry for being absent! That thing called sleep just got in the way.

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style number here), any of the DJs, any of the songs, any courses, or any of the videos/artwork that has appeared through the years. The only thing I own is the Moronic Captain.

Speaking of the Moronic Captain. . .he's a spoof of the Marauding Captain. The address in my profile will lead to a page that will allow you, the reader, to calculate the attack of your own Moronic Captain. Many thanks to my friends (you know who you are) for beta-testing the equation!

DJ Shem is one of the many DJs that appear throughout the IIDX world. He owns a clothing store, and the bar that DJ Ereki works for. His story will be continued later.

The Missing Assault Course is a reference to IIDX RED's lack of an Assault course. Starting from 3rd Style, a Hell/Assault course was always present. It consisted of the five hardest songs on any given mix. On 10th Style, it was known as the King course. I have theorized that IIDX RED (which is 11th Style) doesn't have an Assault course, because the three hardest songs on one course are enough to demoralize everyone except for the absolute best players (and that does not include me).

Brightness Darkness is property of Sparker (better known as Slake), and made its debut on 9th Style. The card effect is based on the fact that all Rare cards have some sort of foil, or brightness, if you will. The rest should be self-explanatory.

Ring of Destruction is an actual card. It destroys a monster, and deals damage equal to the attack of the unfortunate monster to both sides. It's also a Secret Rare (from Pharonic Guardian, if memory serves me right), meaning that it would have been destoryed, if it weren't activated.

Last but not least, General Relativity is a song that made its first appearance on 7th Style. This rather interesting song is by Symphonic Defoggers. The video features many unusual things. . .including a math equation.

All right, review away!


	6. Feedback

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 6: Feedback

Author's notes:

The very first card that came to mind when I thought of this set was the Marauding Captain (though for the life of me I don't know why). Thank you for catching that reference, LeDiva! Here's a peanut butter chocolate-chip scone (they're really, really good).

I'm introducing eight cards in this chapter, because Chapter 4 didn't bother introducing anything.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .ah, heck the rest is at the end of this chapter.

-

Pegasus waited until the matchup screen stopped flickering before addressing the confused mob in front of him. Most people stared at the screen; a few had figured out exactly what those numbers had meant. They were the ones staring elsewhere.

"Remember those cards I mailed out? Match the number of the card with the number on the screen. If you're number's up there, please report to the table that's being used as a snack-hey, get your food off my table!" Joey Wheeler shot a guilty glance at the stage before moving himself and his box of pizza elsewhere. Pegasus' guards shook themselves awake. Pegasus himself sighed into the microphone, causing quite a bit of feedback. Many, many interesting statements ripple through the room.

Joey finished his pizza and looked up. 43 was paired with 24; 42 was stuck with 22; 3 and 30 were up; and 19 and 37 were matched up. Joey fished out his card. . .number 30. Just great. Who held number 3?

Seven other duelists had somehow beaten Joey to the table he'd been sitting on. They milled around, no doubt trying to figure out who had what. Raphael muttered something in a foreign language. Malik did his best to look calm, which didn't seem to convince anyone. Mako Tsuanami chatted merrily with. . .Tea? What was she doing here? Rebecca waved cheerily; Joey did NOT want to know why she was here. Rex Raptor looked depressed; Ryou looked nervous. Pegasus walked up to the miniature crowd.

"Now that everyone is here, let's begin. Cards out!" Six people snapped their cards out. Raphael arched an eyebrow at Pegasus. Rebecca stuck her tongue out.

"That's not a card!" Pegasus said, with a look of horror on his face. Rebecca giggled cutely and took her card out. Raphael sighed and followed suit (without the giggling, that is).

Joey took quick stock of the cards, then took some time to stare at Raphael's card. Why did HE get such a cute girl (who was a Super Rare, no less)?

Tea held card number 19; Rex had card number 24. How did the Dinosaur wannabe get such a rare card? For that matter, how did Malik, who held card number 42, wind up with a VERY rare anime chick?

Ryou's face lengthened as he looked at the cards around him. Joey felt like doing the same. Ryou held card number 37, which looked like a rather useless common. Motion in front of his eye caught Joey's attention. Rebecca jumped up and down like a rubber ball gone mad.

"I'm challenging YOU!" she squeaked. Joey shuddered. If she kept using that tone of voice on him, he'd have to forfeit. His ears rung in three different chords.

Before Rebecca could snatch her card away, Joey grabbed it out of her hands. He read the effect, then groaned. Did Pegasus have a thing against his deck?

_WTF-3  
DJ Q-Jack  
If this monster battles a Machine-type monster, he will become irritated and disassemble the monster he's trying to battle, thus destorying the monster before battle damage is calculated.  
Fire/Insane Director/Effect; 4; 1800/1200; Rare_

Rebecca's monster looked like a monster. It was a man with wild red hair. He looked like he was dressed in spare machine parts. The grin on his face was one that Joey occasionally saw on the face of Yugi, when the latter had consumed one too many ice cream cones (the cones without the ice cream, that is).

"Ooh, ooh, I wanna see!" Rebecca exclaimed, as she somehow got a hold of everyone else's cards. Joey peeked over her shoulder. Rebecca may be irritating, but she couldn't read as fast as he could!

The first card that Rebecca chose to read was the cute girl Raphael had snagged. She didn't have an effect. The next card must have belonged to Tea, because she snatched it away as soon as Rebecca handed it back.

_WTF-19  
Space Fight!  
This card can only be activated when one side has more monsters than another. The player who has more monsters than the other must send their monsters to the Graveyard until he/she has the same number of monsters on the field as the other player.  
Rare (Magic)_

The next card Rebecca read looked like Rex's overly shiny card. Joey read the effect and whistled. Rex had scored!

_WTF-24  
All-Powerful, Ever-Constant Konami Code  
Remove all cards in both Graveyards from play. These cards cannot return to play for any reason at all for the rest of the Duel.  
Ultra Rare (Trap)_

The card after that was Malik's card. Joey took a closer look at the picture. She looked somewhat scary. Her effect was scarier; she could take out most of the monsters in the set with her effect! Malik smirked as he took his card back.

Judging by the look on Ryou's face, Rebecca held his card. As soon as she was done reading, he took his card and scurried away.

_WTF-37  
World Wide Love  
All monsters on the field are changed into face-down Defense Position, and cannot be changed or used as a Tribute for anything until both you and your opponent have gone through one Standby Phase apiece.  
Common (Trap)_

By the process of elimination, the final card in Rebecca's hands had to be Mako's. Joey gasped in shock when he saw HIS card in her hands. What did that little brat-

"Hmm, your card is yummy!" she said, as she handed back to him. Joey peeked over her shoulder as she read Mako's card.

_WTF-43  
All In  
This card can only be activated if your opponent activates a card effect that involves discarding card(s) from his/her hand. Your opponent must discard his/her entire hand. If he/she refuses to do so, negate the effect. If the negated effect was part of a Magic or Trap card, destory that card.  
Rare; Counter (Trap)_

Mako smiled warmly as he took his card back. Pegasus shot a very nasty glare at Rebecca, who simply let it bounce off of her. He cleared his throat.

"Now that we're all acquainted with each other, let's begin the matches. First, these are for you. Don't open them just yet." Joey looked at the pack he received. Apparantly, the set was named, "Where's the Fun?" It explained the strange booster abbreviation.

Pegasus handed a pack to everyone. "Open that pack, and take a card. Pass the pack to the left. Once one card is left in each pack, give it back to me." Joey opened his pack up. The Moronic Captain's idiotic grin greeted him. Wouldn't it burn Kaiba up if he got a good Attack with this card? Joey took the card, and passed the pack to Tea. In turn, Rebecca handed him her pack, sans one card.

Once Pegasus had gotten all the packs back, he repeated the process. He then shuffled all the extras, and gave two to everyone.

"Shuffle the cards you've chosen into your deck. Then, put the card I mailed to you into your deck. You will be playing with 39-card decks, because I feel like it." Murmurs went around the assembled duelists in roughly the same order as the packs had.

Joey followed directions like a good dog. While Pegasus wasn't looking, he drew five cards, to see what he'd get. Two of the cards were from the boosters!

_WTF-34  
Fruits of K-Na's Studies  
Look at the bottom three cards of your Deck, arrange them in any order, and place them at the top of your Deck.  
Common (Magic)_

_WTF-16  
DJ Shiki  
All effects controlled by your opponent that target a monster with "DJ" in its name must target this monster first.  
Wind/Family Man/Effect; 4; 1300/800; Common_

Another card Joey drew was Upstart Goblin. He quickly cut Upstart Goblin back in his deck, and drew one more card. It was from the pack Rebecca had passed to him.

_WTF-31  
Common Cold  
Destroy all Common cards on the field.  
Rare; Counter (Trap)_

The Common Cold was rather counterproductive. It would destory many of his monsters. However, it was a card that could potentially hurt his opponent more than it could hurt him. Joey figured that he'd have to get lucky with that card. He idly shuffled everything back into his deck. A shriek brought Joey back to the tournament. Pegasus had once again caused some nasty feedback. It was almost as irritating as Rebecca's voice.

"The rest of you are required to stay. I will specify that reason during the matches. Now, duelists, to the left there is a cleared-out space. Choose a spot, and duel! No fist fights, please," Pegasus said, as he stared pointedly at Raphael, who glared back. It probably wasn't wise for Pegasus to tick off someone who was twice his size, in terms of muscle.

"All right, let the duels begin!"

-

Author's notes, yet again:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the songs, any of the artwork, any of the characters, or anything else except for one cruddy little score on the 9th Style Internet Ranking.

I'm not exactly sure how a booster draft goes, but I did my best interpretation here. Sorry if I messed that up!

DJ Q-Jack is my favorite DJ in the entire series. He gets drunk quite often, and he's almost always in cosplay. In terms of skill, I'm slightly worse than him. Last but not least. . .he's cute.

Space Fight! is a song by Akira Yamaoka. The song itself sounds far too much like the theme from Super Milk Chan for my comfort.

The All-Powerful, Ever-Constant Konami Code is a tribute to a certain gaming code that has appeared in many Konami games throughout history. The effect was a suggestion from one of my friends.

World Wide Love is property of MTO. With proper bass support, the song sounds awesome. Without proper bass support, the song sounds. . .kinda wimpy. Regardless, it sounds like hippie music.

All In is a term from Texas Hold 'Em. I felt like making fun of them.

Fruits of K-Na's studies is a spoof of Fruits of Kozacky's Studies. I will explain more about the awesomeness of DJ K-Na later.

DJ Shiki manages an arcade, and is the only DJ I know of that's married (with children). He also smokes to no end. He was DJ Yuz's IIDX student for a while. Okinawa pride!

The Common Cold is the complete opposite of Brightness Darkness. It was put in for balance.

Feedback is a song on 10th Style, and is by Audio Highs. You decide whether I'm referring to Pegasus' lack of skill with a microphone, or Rebecca.

Speaking of feedback. . .review, please?


	7. Dive

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 7 - Dive

Author's notes:

This is part one of four chapters. The other three chapters will have names that are explained later.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. . .and the rest of the disclaimer is at the bottom of this chapter.

Yugi walked around, looking at the four matches. They had all started at more or less the same time. Rebecca turned his way and smiled. Joey turned and grimaced. Yugi felt sorry for both blondes. Rebecca, despite her supersonic voice and irritating attitude, was actually a good duelist. Joey could pull off the strangest things at the right time, making him a somewhat dangerous opponent. It was going to be interesting.

To the left of them, Mako and Rex glared at each other, unsure of what to say to the other. They'd seen each other in various tournaments, but never got around to challenging each other. Mako drew first.

Yugi wandered towards the back wall, and stumbled over something. It was one of Espa Roba's siblings. He started to cry. The former owner of Jinzo walked over. Yugi hastily apologized. Espa nodded his acknowledgement, and took the whiny whe, er, smaller child away. In the process, Espa dropped his card. Yugi picked it up and read. He squinted hard. The text was ant-sized!

_WTF-59  
Volume Control  
This card can only be activated during the Battle Phase. Your opponent must write down the volume of any compound (other than water), by solving the equation PV equals nRT, where n 3.14 (make up the rest, except for what your opponent is solving for, and the constant that appears in this equation). If your opponent is not familiar with the equation, or if your opponent cannot solve the equation, your opponent's Battle Phase ends. If your opponent solves the equation successfully, you cannot activate any more Magic or Trap cards during this Battle Phase.  
Common (Trap)_

"I'd say you had better luck than me," Yugi commented, as he handed the card back to Espa. Espa arched an eyebrow. Yugi took out his card and gave it to Espa. Espa's eyes widened. A thin trickle of blood made its way from Espa's nose down to his chin. He hastily wiped it away.

"That. . .ah. . .I gotta go!" Espa ran off with his younger brother tucked under his arm. Yugi watched him go. His card didn't warrant THAT kind of reaction. . .did it?

Tea and Bakura had already started. Tea had set a monster and some magic/trap card. Bakura drew. Tea looked nervous. Bakura looked to be about the same shade as his hair. It wasn't going to be an easy duel for either of them.

A growl from Yugi's right caught his attention. Malik sneered at his hand. Raphael regarded his opponent calmly. As Malik held six cards, it was obviously his turn. He growled again.

"I play this in attack mode, for lack of anything better to do," the white-haired duelist spat out. In moments, a man with lemming green hair bound in a reddish bandanna sprung forth from the light. Light reflected off his bling-bling and bright white teeth. The entire effect made the monster seem like the green-haired, gangsta version of Bandit Keith, sans sunglasses, stubble and five years. Yugi quickly snuck around Malik and read the card effect.

_WTF-23  
DJ Duel  
If there is a beverage container face-up on the table within your reach that specifically designates itself as a container of some variation of "tea", then this card cannot be the target of Spell or Trap cards.  
Water/Transfer Student/Effect; 4; 1600/600; Common_

The aforementioned container of tea was on a small table next to Raphael. No wonder Malik was unhappy!

"I'll place these two face down and end my turn. Your move, fairy." Yugi gulped hard. Malik didn't mean what he just said. . .or so the spiky-haired schoolboy hoped. Raphael had a terrible temper!

Raphael didn't seem to notice the obvious insult to his sexuality. He was either very confident. . .or very, very not straight. Yugi couldn't hold his concentration, and the pharoah escaped from the puzzle.

The pharoah looked around. A green-haired monster that looked like Bandit Keith stood on Malik's side of the field. Raphael looked stoic as ever.

"I'll play this in attack mode, too," the bigger duelist said calmly. The pharoah peered over Raphael's shoulder. He gasped. This was impossible!

_WTF-26  
DJ Tekka  
Any Water-type monster that battles with this monster is immediately turned into sushi, and is destroyed without applying damage to anything. You gain Life Points equal to half of the base Attack of the monster destroyed with this monster's effect. If you are allergic to seafood, too bad.  
Fire/Sushi Chef/Effect; 4; 1900/800; Super Rare_

From the floor tile, a young man with short red hair emerged. A pair of goggles perched precariously over his glasses. He wore a black jacket with a thick yellow and orange stripe across its chest, matching black pants, sneaker, and fingerless gloves, and a big grin.

"Just to make things interesting, I'll equip my monster with this!" The pharoah strained to read the text. He gasped again. What DID Raphael step in this morning?

_WTF-12  
Noodles by Nyah  
Increase the equipped monster's Attack by 500 Points. The equipped monster cannot change battle position until this card is removed from the field.  
Rare; Equip_

"Alright Tekka, it's time to make sushi," Raphael said, with no trace of emotion. Tekka turned back and arched an eyebrow at Raphael. Raphael nodded. Tekka threw his hands up in the air. A piece of paper and a pen appeared in the monster's hands. He scribbled something, and turned to Raphael. His sign read, "I prepare seafood sushi, NOT human sushi!" Raphael buried his head in his hands. Malik looked on, completely speechless.

"There's NOTHING on your card text that prevents you from using your ability," Raphael stated firmly. Suddenly, Duel started moving. In moments, he held out a slab of some sort of seafood. He grinned. Tekka returned the grin, and brought out a VERY big knife. Duel tossed the seafood in the air, then disappeared. Tekka's movements were obscured by the cloud of smoke formed from his furious work. He held out a platter of tekka sushi. It disappeared, and Raphael found himself with 800 more Life Points than what he'd started with. Malik continued to stare.

"I'll place these three cards face down, and end my turn. By the way, your sister has a better ass than you." Malik choked. Raphael turned to the bright-red pharoah and winked. Yugi took over. He smiled in understanding. While his soul was stuck in the Seal, he'd had a chance to chat with Amelda and Varon. Both had assured him that Raphael's tastes were for women, though neither could figure out what kind of woman their companion wanted. Amelda had made it pretty clear that he'd go for anyone in a skirt. Varon had nursed a fairly large crush on Mai. Yugi didn't bother to tell either of them of his own small attraction to a certain brown-haired friend of his. He was certain the she wanted to date a guy that was taller than her.

It was Malik's turn, and he looked grim. Raphael looked calm as ever.

Author's note:

I'll be coming back to them, I promise!

For the rest of the disclaimer. . .

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the songs, any of the characters, or the song "Dive" (that's owned by Naoki and BeForU).

Volume Control is a BAD name for Espa's card, but I was plumb out of ideas! PV equals nRT is a basic chemistry equation.

DJ Duel was a transfer student from England. He has since graduated, and speaks. . .oddly. He also likes his morning tea; thus, his effect. He made his debut on 3rd Style.

DJ Tekka is the newest male DJ of the series. He's going to inherit his grandfather's sushi business, so he's trying to become a good sushi chef. Due to a rather embarrassing incident involving several other DJs, he has started to play IIDX, though he's not that good at it. His DJ name is a type of sushi (don't ask). He made his debut on 10th Style (IIDX RED featured a female DJ).

Noodles by Nyah is a reference to DJ Nyah's cooking. It's supposedly very good. DJ Shiki is hopelessly addicted to it; he brings leftovers (from her family's restaurant) home to his family when he can.

Dive is a song that appeared only on Dance Dance Revolution 5th Mix (which is a pity, because it had GOOD steps). It spawned three remixes that I know of. The rest of the chapters in this little mini-series will be named after the remixes, in the order I learned of them.

Alright, that's it for me!


	8. More Deeper and Deeper

The Tiger Took My Sanity 

Chapter 8: More Deeper and Deeper

Author's notes:

GAH! Forgot to thank my reviewers! Fifilafemme, you get a bear claw and a ham and cheese croissant! JC Maxwell-Yuy, you get a bear claw.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .ah, I give up. The rest of it is at the end of this chapter.

o-o-o

Mai watched the duels calmly. Nothing interesting seemed to be happening. A growl from her left caught her attention. Malik Ishtar wore an extremely sour expression. Raphael looked as emotionless as ever. Mai wasn't sure which duelist she despised more. Malik HAD trapped her in the Shadow Realm for some time, but she KNEW that Raphael had been staring at her in a less than appropriate manner for some time. Why else would he have returned Pegasus' package to her after she had thrown it out a window?

Watching those two losers duke it out would be a waste of her time. Instead, she turned her attention towards Joey's duel. The girl he challenged already had two monsters on her side of the field. Out of curiosity, Mai got close enough to the girl's duel disk and read the effects.

_WTF-44  
DJ Iroha  
"Who is she talking to, and why is she unzippin' her vest?"  
Light/Chatterbox; 3; 1000/1600; Common (Short Print)_

_WTF-21  
DJ Zilch  
This face-up monster is unaffected by any and all Monster Effects (except for the one printed on this card).  
Earth/Stalker/Effect; 2; 1200/100; Common (Super Short Print, but no one is supposed to know this)_

How did this girl hold a field advantage with THOSE kinds of monsters? Neither of them were particularly powerful, and the female DJ didn't have any effect whatsoever. Joey's field was completely empty, save for a single set Magic/Trap card. The girl smiled dangerously. She played a Magic card. Joey's mouth hung open.

_WTF-53  
Undying Sword of Rage  
This card is used to Special Summon "DJ Sakura". You must offer up monsters (or just one big lunker) from your field or hand whose star level total is 6.  
Short Print; Ritual (Magic)_

After reading the effect, Mai felt like mimicing Joey's expression. Ritual monsters were always bad news. A monster tile next to the female DJ started to glow. The sound of a motorcycle engine reverberated from the lit tile. Mai noticed that several other people turned towards the sound, including three of her former coworkers. All three wore unreadable expressions.

A red motorcycle appeared from the floor. The rider wore a red helmet and a red-and-white body suit with many, many patches on it. The figure got off of the motorcycle and unzipped the body suit WAY down. The suit flipped open, to reveal bandages around the chest area, and nothing else. The zipper hung a few inches short of fully unzipped. The figure took off its helmet. A woman with delicate Oriental features regarded the scene before her coldy. Her long black hair was bound somewhat uselessly in a ponytail. She put the helmet on the motorcycle. The motorcycle and helmet disappeared.

"Wow. . .she's hot," Joey mumbled. Mai put a hand to her lips. Did she just say the same thing too?

Amelda's eyes went wide. His nose bled.

Raphael turned extremely red before turning back to his duel.

Malik turned his attention to the newly-summoned monster. His nose also bled. He wiped the mess away with the back of his hand. "Wow. . .she's hot," he said dreamily.

Ishizu Ishtar chose that moment to look in Mai's direction. "Wow. . .she's hot," Ishizu mumbled, then put a hand to her mouth, shocked beyond belief. Seto Kaiba regarded the other Ishtar with an arched eyebrow, then made the mistake of looking up.

"Wow. . .she's hot," the CEO of Kaiba Corp. said, completely unabashed. Mokuba looked up and echoed his older brother's sentiments.

Tea and Ryou turned towards Mai. "Wow. . .she's hot," they said in unison. Ryou shot a puzzled look at Tea, who looked far too pale to be healthy.

Something around Ryou's neck glowed. The tomb robber had made his appearance. He looked at the woman who seemed to be the center of everything. His eyes glazed over.

"Wow. . .she's hot," he said, in a less-than-innocent way. Yugi turned towards all the commotion.

"Wow. . .she's hot," he echoed. Something around his neck flashed. The pharoah stared at the woman Yugi had been staring at moments before. The words out of his mouth were the same as everyone else's. The pharoah turned several shades of red before relinquishing control to Yugi.

Several minutes later, everyone but Varon and the girl who summoned the woman had made a comment on the woman's appearance. She hadn't so much as batted an eyelid. She must be used to such comments.

"Now I'll use her ability and equip her to DJ Iroha. Go, DJ Sakura!" The woman vanished. One of the other monsters moved. In moments, the brown-haired girl had unzipped her vest part of the way down. Her expression had changed from happy to arrogant.

"Iroha, attack his Life Points directly!" Joey flew from his feet, his Life Points dropping fast. He dusted himself off, and glared at his opponent.

"That wasn't very nice, Rebecca," he said, as if he were scolding a child. Rebecca giggled.

"DJ Zilch, it's your turn! Take out the rest of his Life Points!" DJ Zilch turned to Rebecca and nodded before aiming a fist at Joey's shocked mug. Joey flipped his face-down card up. It was Offerings to the Doomed.

"But. . .I thought. . ." Rebecca stammered, as DJ Zilch vanished from the field.

"Oh yes I can!" Joey said, triumphantly. He adopted one of the stupid expressions Mai had grudgingly come to like. Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"I'd like to see you TRY and win with 500 Life Points," she said, and stuck her tongue out at her opponent. Iroha stood with her arms crossed across her chest, ready to take on anything.

"Well. . .here goes," Joey said, and regarded his hand. He began to smile. He played a Magic Card with a picture that looked somewhat familiar. Mai read the card's effect.

_WTF-2  
Graceless Charity  
This card cannot be activated if it is the only card in your hand. Draw two cards from your Deck, then discard three cards from your hand.  
Common (Magic)_

Joey discarded three, leaving him with two cards. Would they be enough? Judging by the smirk on his face, he seemed to think so.

"I play Enemy Controller, and turn your monster into Defense mode!" Iroha's eyes widened as she suddenly found herself down on one knee. Only then did Mai notice that the "pants" that she thought DJ Iroha wore were really pants legs. A few inches of skin between her skirt and her pants legs showed whitely. A thump came from behind Mai. She turned around. Varon sat behind her, his nose bleeding freely. Mai sighed. Men were such idiots.

"Now I summon Mataza the Zapper!" A reject from an old samurai movie showed up, sword at ready.

"This card allows me to attack twice, so to heck with your union monster! Mataza, attack!" Mataza's sword flashed. The card behind Iroha shattered, and Iroha looked up, startled and dazed. Her eyes widened as she saw Mataza's sword come far too close to her for comfort. A girlish scream echoed through the hall, and DJ Iroha left the field.

"Let's see you top that, you whiny brat," Joey said, with his usual smirk. Rebecca glared.

This was going to be far more interesting than Mai had anticipated. She made herself as comfortable as she could, and watched.

o-o-o

Author's notes:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the characters (because they're property of GOLI Matsumoto), or any of the other monsters that I metioned.

DJ Iroha first appeared in 9th Style. She's talkative, into voodoo, and occasionally gets possessed. The one that possesses her is DJ Sakura, who was mentioned in Chapter 3. All who see her are doomed to comment about her. . .it's a bad, bad running joke. The rest of her story will be introduced later.

DJ Zilch first appeared in 5th Style. He's hopelessly smitten with DJ Nyah, and even beat her once (thus the reason why she can't destroy him. . .see Chapter 2 for more details). He also collects mecha models.

"Undying Sword of Rage" is a reference to DJ Sakura's IIDX RED background. In her picture, she's shown wielding a sword. Apparantly, she has a thing for swords. . .and motorcycles.

Offerings to the Doomed is a Magic card that destroys one face-up monster on the field. . .but the person who played it must then skip his/her/its next Draw Phase. I abuse this card.

Graceless Charity was thought up by me. Thank you to my friends, who supported me on the card idea. It's also a spoof of Graceful Charity (draw three, discard two).

Enemy Controller is an Ultra Rare from Invasion of Chaos (I'm fairly certain of this. . .but not completely certain). Joey used its first effect, which puts an opponent's monster in Defense mode.

Mataza the Zapper also appeared in Invasion of Chaos, as a Rare. It can attack twice (and, as a bonus, it goes under Gravity Bind). Mataza's attack is 1300 (compared to Iroha's Defense of 1000). Because of the way Union monsters work, Mataza had to attack Iroha twice. The first attack got rid of DJ Sakura (the union monster). The second attack killed poor Iroha.

"More Deeper and Deeper" is one of the remixes of Dive, and first appeared on Dance Dance Revolution 5th Style (for PS2). It made its first arcade appearance on DDR MAX. This one is the easiest. I don't own this song; BeForU does!

Reviews are welcomed, as always.


	9. Into Your Heart

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 9 - Into Your Heart

Author's notes:

Fifilafemme and LordPurin, you both get sponge cake! Enjoy!

LordPurin, the Moronic Captain's name is sheer sarcasm. It takes some measure of intelligence to figure out how to manipulate the equations, and only a moron would ignore the Moronic Captain's ability. I'm sorry to hear that the Moronic Captain didn't like you. . .

I'm sorry for being absent for so long! I had a rather large project to take

Seto: Computers?

Me: So. . .how much do you know about Java arrays?

Seto: Not now.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .and the rest will be explained at the end of this chapter.

o-o-o

Rex looked at Mako. Mako looked at Rex. Due to some very interesting moves traded between them, both of them were short most of a Graveyard and a field, and both duelists were still at full life. On the previous turn, Rex had used his Konami code to remove everything from both Graveyards. As a result, Mako couldn't summon Fenrir. Mokuba smirked. He sorely wished that his brother was in the place of either one of the losers attempting to duel in front of him. Both were embarrassing themselves to no end.

"I'll play this in attack mode!" Mako declared bravely. Though Mokuba was short, he was by no means stupid. In moments, he had found a way to read the effect of Mako's newly-summoned monster, which was somewhere between fruity and scary.

_WTF-28_

_DJ Eiri _

_If there is a face-up beverage container within arm's reach that specifically designates itself as "coffee", then this monster is not destroyed as a result of battle, but calculate damage anyway (unless it's "DJ Nyah". . .in which case, this monster is destroyed faster than Tekka can make inarizushi)._

_Water/Coffee Fanatic/Effect; 4; 1550/1350; Common_

Mako motioned towards the trash can on his left. Someone had discarded a coffee can on top of the precarious pile. Eiri turned towards Mako. He looked at the trash heap. His shoulders slumped. He took out a coffee mug from what must have been another dimension, looked in it, and put it back in the dimensional pocket. His shoulders slumped further.

"All right my monster, attack!" DJ Eiri turned towards Mako, with a very dejected look. The expression on Mako's face became thoughtful.

"Uh. . .the guy across from me has coffee," Mako said, unconvincingly. Eiri perked up considerably. Rex Raptor suddenly went airborne, courtesy of a running tackle from a deprived coffee maniac. As Rex slowly got to his feet, his life points dropped considerably.

"That was a dirty trick, fishbreath!" Rex yelled, as he yanked a card from his deck. DJ Eiri looked completely lost. Mokuba mirrored that expression.

"I'll place this monster face-down, and set a couple more cards. It's your move, so stop staring at me like a fish out of water," Rex growled out, obviously not happy with his draw. Mokuba sidled over to Rex. Though the dinosaur duelist was shorter than Mako, he kept his duel disk higher up. Mokuba waited. Rex would have to drop his arm to restore circulation. . .eventually.

"It's time for me to mow over your face-down monster! DJ Eiri, attack!" DJ Eiri pulled out his coffee mug. Mako sighed.

"Er. . .the face-down monster is hiding coffee?" Mako asked, obviously puzzled. Eiri's face lit up, as he ran headlong into whatever Rex had waiting.

Rex's monster flashed. A green-haired girl, not much older than Mokuba, kneeled. She wore a bright red vest, a pleated skirt, and pants. Mokuba took a closer look at her pants. They were pants legs. A hand's width of white skin lay exposed between the pants legs and the hem of her miniskirt. Mokuba felt his face grow warm again. To distract himself, he read off of Rex's duel disk.

_WTF-56_

_DJ Tsugaru_

_Negate a Special Summon by writing down a physics equation that involves the constant g. You are not allowed to write the same equation more than once per Duel. If you are plumb out of ideas, then you may pay 980 Life Points to negate the Special Summon (or you can be nice and simply not use the effect of this card)._

_Dark/Future Politician/Effect; 2; 500/1600; Common_

DJ Eiri recoiled, obviously dazed. Tsugaru cocked her head to one side. Eiri facefaulted. Tsugaru shook her head, her green pigtails accentuating the motion. If such a girl really existed. . .Mokuba would HAVE to get her number!

"Well, well, I'd like to see you use that effect, dino brain," Mako said heartily. He threw his head back and laughed. Rex could only glare in response.

"Just to be nice, I'll set this card, and end my turn. Your move, beanie." If Rex's glares were able to inflict life point damage, Mako would have been dead several times over. Mokuba idly wondered if Rex's face would stay like that forever.

"I'll sacrifice Tsugaru to play this face-down," Rex said flatly. Tsugaru waved cutely to Eiri as she disappeared into the light. Another card appeared, wrong end up. Rex didn't even bother to insult Mako as he ended his turn. Was the duelist with the beanie in over his head?

"Out of smart comments already? I'll place this face-down, and give Eiri a rest. You okay, mister?" Eiri turned towards Mako and nodded. He'd pulled a thermos out of somewhere, and was happily guzzling its contents. Mokuba was almost certain that the thermos contained coffee.

"I'll play Level Limit Area B," Rex grated out. Eiri fell gracelessly into a heap. His thermos remained upright. He straightened himself out and went back to draining the contents of the thermos.

"Then I'll flip my face-down monster up into attack mode," Rex said, as his actions mimicked his words. A man with Joeyish hair stood up, then immediately sat back down. A cap covered most of his hair, but it did little to hide the smirk he wore. Eiri's expression clouded over. Mokuba waited until Rex dropped his arm before reading the description of the new monster.

_WTF-54_

_DJ Nix_

_Whenever an opponent activates a Trap card, you can pay 500 Life Points to negate the activation of the Trap card and destroy it. If you are not wearing a hat, your opponent has the option of putting the negated card back into his/her/its Deck, and shuffling the deck._

_Light/Ex-Pilot/Effect; 6; 500/2500; Rare_

If Joey lived long enough to graduate from high school, he'd probably look something like this. . .but not as cool. Even though Nix was flat on his rear, his aura of badassness hadn't gone down the least bit.

"Since I can't attack, it's your turn, fishbones," Rex said, with his customary smirk. Eiri was deep into his second thermos, completely oblivious to the world around him. Nix had turned a queasy shade of green. Mokuba's stomach lurched at the mere sight of it.

"I'll place this card face-down, and end my turn." Eiri's attention was momentarily diverted from his thermos when another monster appeared, face-down.

Mokuba's attention turned towards a scream he heard from the other end of the hall. Joey had taken out Rebecca's only monster, and whatever it was had a really irritating voice. Guardian Kay'est, who sat on Raphael's side of the field, had her hands over her ears. One of the other monsters from the new set, on Marik's side, also had his hands over his ears. Another monster on Raphael's side of the field listened to her headphones, completely oblivious to the shriek. Tea and Ryou, who seemed to be having a duel consisting of nothing but set cards, looked at each other and shrugged. Something near Ryou flashed.

"And the NEXT time ANYONE disturbs my beauty sleep like that, I will personally see to it that their soul is devoured by the shadows!" the tomb robber screamed. Another flash of light appeared. Ryou looked completely befuddled. He put a hand to his throat, and turned towards Tea. Mokuba turned to the duel closest to him.

"A set monster? Don't you ever learn, water boy? I'll play Monster Reborn to get DJ Tsugaru back from my graveyard!" Another flash of light appeared. DJ Tsugaru, the goddess in green and red, stood at ready. She turned towards DJ Nix and waved. He waved back.

"I'll sacrifice my newly resurrected monster to summon Dark Driceratops! Sorry honey, but I don't know any physics equations," Rex said, somewhat apologetically to Tsugaru. She waved him off before vanishing. . .again. Her spot was taken by something that was far less attractive than a human girl. Mako had already fipped one of his face-down cards up.

"This is what I think of your duelling," Mako said, as Mokuba ran around to get a better look at the card. He was already familiar with the effect of that particular card. Seto had pulled it from one of the packs that Pegasus had given him earlier that day.

_WTF-17_

_I Said Knock It Off!_

_You can only activate this card when your opponent Summons a monster that has the exact same name as a monster your opponent successfully Summoned earlier in this duel OR when your opponent activates a Magic or Trap card that was successfully actiavted earlier in this duel. Say "Knock it off!" to negate the activation/summon. Your opponent cannot activate/summon the negated card for the rest of the Duel._

_Short Print; Counter (Trap)_

"So. . .knock it off!" Mako exclaimed. Nix reached into another dimensional pocket and drew something out. He chucked it at the offending Trap card. The card shattered, without its effect going off. The Dark Driceratops blinked. Mokuba blinked. Mako blinked. The lights blinked, then steadied.

"I paid 500 of my life points to negate your crummy trap. Furthermore, I'm wearing a hat, so that little card of yours go directly to the graveyard!" Rex threw his head back and laughed like the maniac he wasn't. Mako rolled his eyes. Mokuba rolled his eyes. The Dark Driceratops rolled over. Rex's expression went from triumphant to horrified.

"You forgot about your own Level Limit, you moron," Mako said, on the verge of a laughing fit. Rex sputtered.

Mokuba kept his giggles to himself. How was the dinosaur duelist supposed to win with such stupid moves?

o-o-o

Author's notes:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the DJs (that's GOLI Matsumoto's property), the song "Dive Into Your Heart" (that's owned by Naoki and Paula Terry. . .and there's supposed to be tildes around the mix name, which probably aren't going to appear), or any of the other monsters mentioned in here.

DJ Eiri is a known coffee fanatic. He also has a strange white stripe down his face, which is why Mokuba reacted the way he did when he first saw Eiri. Eiri is one of two people who are currently living with DJ Siren. Poor Siren.

DJ Tsugaru is a junior high school student. She is class president, and comes from a very old, dignified family. She sneaks out at night to play Beatmania IIDX. She bears a striking resemblence to DJ Nyah's dead sister. The rest of her story will come later (just like everyone else's).

DJ Nix is the other guy that's bumming off of DJ Siren. Nix and Eiri have a HUGE rivalry going on. DJ Nix was dishonorably discharged from the Air Force, and works as a gas station attendant, for lack of anything better to do. He also complains a lot.

I Said Knock It Off! was thought up by me, and refined by my friends. It's my tribute to Cursed Seal of the Forbidden Spell, which is one of my favorite cards.

Fenrir is a Water monster that is Special Summoned by removing Water monsters from the graveyard. Guardian Kay'est is one of the monsters in Raphael's deck. Level Limit Area B turns all face-up monsters whose star level is 4 or higher into defense position (which is the reason why Mako laughed his head off when Rex summoned Dark Driceratops, which is well above 4 stars). Dark Driceratops will inflict battle damage on monsters in defense position. I think that's all of them.

"Dive Into Your Heart" is the only version of Dive that has appeared on Beatmania IIDX (6th Style, in this case). The video is awesome, and the Another notes are a lot of fun. The song is done by Naoki and Paula Terry.

Review. . .onegai?


	10. Into The Night

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 10 - Into the Night

Fifilafemme, you get a custard tart. RykenInverse, you have a chance of getting a custard tart. . .but you're gonna have to catch Miledy first. I write these stories in the middle of the night, and I am assuming that my readers, if they are curious enough, will have the brains to do some research on the cards (or they are already familiar with said cards).

I'm sorry for being away for so long! I've been busy!

Varon: Three midterms? That's it?

Me: Like YOU'RE in college.

Anyway. . .I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Fire Emblem 6. . .ah, heck, the rest of this is at the end of this chapter!

o-o-o

Ryou looked down at the field. Both duelists had a set monster and three additional cards face-down on the field. Neither was eager to trip his/her opponent's set cards. Thus, Ryou held a hand of seven cards, while Tea held six. The man of the duel pondered his move. The woman of the duel seemed to have exactly half her attention on the duel. The other half appeared to wander from person to person.

Stuck in indecision, the blue/white-haired boy didn't pay enough attention to a certain Ring. The Ring flared to life, and Bakura came out. The tomb robber wanted earplugs. The last girly shriek that had woken him up had left his ears ringing. . .and ringing. . .and ringing.

Instead, the tomb robber found himself facing off against a girl. Maybe she was the one responsible for the horrid shriek. It didn't matter. He held seven cards, and he didn't recognize a single one. It was time to start reading his hand. . .and his side of the field.

"Ah. . .interesting. Perhaps there IS a brain in there. I'll activate this card. Not that a girl like you would know its powers." Bakura felt a smile come to his lips when the girl in front of him gestured VERY rudely. A name floated in the back of his mind. The cheeky girl in front of him was known as Tea.

"This is the THIRD time I've been hit with that Bait Doll, thankyouverymuch," she said, her irritation very much evident in her voice.

"Very well. Your middle card, please," Bakura said, his voice as smooth as Tea's legs appeared to be. He licked his lips, and welcomed the thoughts about Tea's legs openly. If only the schoolgirl in front of him knew what was running through his mind. . .

Tea activated her middle card obligingly, then showed off her middle finger. Bakura's grin widened. She liked to play tough. He could do that, too.

Bakura had forced the activation of Tea's Jar of Greed. She would draw one card, and he couldn't do anything about it. . .or so he hoped she thought. Didn't Ryou set something JUST for this situation?

"I'd like to activate this in response to your draw," the tomb robber said calmly. One of Tea's eyebrows went up as she studied the card he'd just activated.

_WTF-29_

_Pass The Pot_

_You can only activate this card when your opponent attempts to draw outside of his/her Draw Phase. You and your opponent draw cards equal to the number of cards that your opponent is supposed to draw. If you and/or your opponent are using distinct deck sleeves, you must draw from each other's decks. Please return the cards to their respective owners after the Duel._

_Super Rare (Trap)_

Tea looked down at her sleeveless cards. Bakura knew that Ryou was too careless to put his cards into sleeves. Tea drew her card. Bakura drew his. Somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, Ryou protested. It probably had to do with his thoughts about Tea. Poor innocent Ryou couldn't think of anything related to the finer points of "fun" without turning Star Boy red. The thought of destroying such innocence made Bakura grin toothily. A look of sheer disgust played over Tea's features. She must have thought he was grinning at her.

"Well now, looks like my Bait Doll has done its job." Bakura placed the Bait Doll back into his deck, and shuffled the latter very well.

"And now I'll flip this little card Ryou set. I'm sure you'll LOVE it!" Bakura giggled as he flipped Ryou's Morphing Jar. Tea glared, and activated something.

"You and your effects are driving me nuts! Solemn Judgment!" Bakura whistled silently to himself. Solemn Judgment was a VERY rare card indeed. Ryou had set a counter for it. Too bad for her.

_WTF-40_

_Call and Raise_

_You can only activate this card when your opponent activates a card effect that specifies a fractional amount of Life Points to be paid. Your opponent must pay the amount specified by the card, as well as an additional 20 of the amount specified by the card. If you opponent cannot/will not, negate the card effect, and if that card is a Magic or Trap card, destroy it._

_Common; Counter (Trap)_

"So, dearie, do you think it's worth 60 of your life to stop my Morphing Jar," he asked, completely calm. He really didn't care what she said.

"I'm not going to give you that much of an advantage," she retorted. She was quite feisty. He would have to fix that.

Bakura grinned as he drew his new hand. He'd drawn Ryou's Bait Doll again. His grin turned into a grimace. What did he do to deserve this?

"I'll play this card AGAIN, just to make sure you never, ever forget about it," Bakura said roughly. Tea rolled her eyes and flipped her face-down card up. It was a Book of Moon, which was a Magic card. The Book of Moon went face-down. Bakura shuffled his deck again. If he drew that Bait Doll again, someone was going to pay dearly!

"Now I'll set this monster, and let you go, sweetie," the tomb robber said, his voice thick with emotions he hoped she heard. Tea's expression became dark. She had caught the hint.

"I'll sacrifice my face-down monster to summon this!" Bakura blinked. WHAT was that?

_WTF-6_

_DJ K-Na_

_Any Dark-type Monster that is dumb enough to battle this monster deserves to be destroyed by this monster's effect without going into damage calculation. This effect will NOT work on "DJ Lilith" (not that you'll need it)._

_Fire/Monster Programmer/Effect; 6; 2450; 2600; Super Rare_

The light from one of Tea's floor tiles disappeared. A man with unruly white hair, ice-blue eyes, and a bright yellow shirt appeared. He held up a sign. It read, "Are YOU burning?"

Bakura rolled his eyes. He wasn't about to be outdone by some sorry wannabe of himself. Even if this wannabe had really nice stats. Like a good girl, Tea declared an attack.

"Not so fast, dear. I'll activate this. Let's see you get around that," Bakura said, as he activated the last card Ryou had set. WHY did Ryou play with such ridiculous cards?

_WTF-8_

_bit mania_

_This card can only be activated during your opponent's Battle Phase. Your opponent must express the Attack of one face-up monster on his/her side of the field in binary, and show his/her work. If he/she cannot, the selected monster cannot attack until your opponent's next Battle Phase._

_Common (Trap)_

K-Na looked down at himself. A longish piece of paper and a pen appeared in his hands. He scribbled something down, and turned towards Tea. The brainless schoolgirl looked puzzled. K-Na motioned at something he had written. A small light bulb went off above Tea's head.

"100110010010," Tea recited. K-Na gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up before dropping a LARGE sheaf of papers on Bakura's face-down monster (which was a Sangan, if anyone cares about such details). The critter gave a cry of pain before disappearing. Bakura thumbed through the sorry remnants of Ryou's deck, pausing to read every other card. An unfamiliar card intrigued him. He pulled it out, and showed it to Tea (because Pegasus happened to be staring at him). One of K-Na's bushy eyebrows went up.

"I demand to see the work behind that recitation," Bakura said, his voice coming as close to a monotone as his personality would allow. K-Na turned towards him and took out a piece of paper. Scribbles of nonsense decorated the paper in question. Bakura didn't have a clue as to what those scribbles meant, or what binary was supposed to be. It had been a bluff, and Bakura had lost miserably.

"Hey you two," Pegasus said, his voice cracking somewhat due to the microphone, "WILL YOU HURRY UP!" Bakura looked around. Some musclehead and Malik seemed to be involved in some sort of discussion, giggles occasionally coming from both of them. Yugi's pet dog and a little girl were also attempting to talk, but the latter kept sticking her tongue out at the former. Two guys that weren't worth remembering glared at each other. Bakura and Tea were the only ones duelling.

"Well. . .fine, you one-eyed freak," Bakura said, with a sneer. Pegasus sneered back. "If I don't win this duel in four turns, I will forfeit. If I do win this duel, Tea comes with me for an hour."

"NOT A CHANCE!" Tea screamed. Everyone in sight jumped back a few paces. Bakura licked his lips, and made sure that it wasn't a subtle gesture. He was going to have fun with his victim.

o-o-o

Author's notes, again:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the characters, the song "Dive Into Your Heart" (that's owned by Riyu Kosaka), or any Millennium Items.

"Pass the Pot" was a term coined by several of my friends, whenever someone played "Pot of Greed". It was our way of saying that WE wanted to draw cards. I made up the rest of the effect of "Pass the Pot" (BTW, this is one of the 64 inappropriate references this story is rated for).

"Call and Raise" is a poker term, adapted for my evil purposes.

DJ K-Na made his debut on 5th Style. He's a very frank man, and the little sign he held when he was summoned is a phrase he uses on random people. Despite his strange appearances and mannerisms, he's a VERY good hacker, and he has an apprentice, who will be introduced later. Eyebrows aside, he looks awesome.

bit mania is the a song that debuted on 8th Style, and is owned by Akira Yamaoka. Anyone familiar with bits and binary should see the connection. If anyone wants to verify K-Na's binary, feel free to do so. The binary effect was made as a request from a friend.

I PROMISE to finish this duel (as well as give out the rest of the duel results) in the next chapter, which I hope to finish sometime before Spring Break is over.


	11. symbolic

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 11 - symbolic

Author's notes:

I've been quite busy as of late. My activity level isn't going to drop, either. Therefore, my updates are going to be infrequent until mid-May or so. Sorry for the delay.

Caorann fridh Bronach, because of the sheer number of reviews you've submitted, you're getting a gift certificate to a bakery, a plate lunch place, and a sushi store. Enjoy!

The link to the Moronic Captain's equation is in my profile. . .but it is NOT my homepage link! Copy and past the text link into your browser, and calculate!

Fifilafemme and RykenInverse, you're getting malasadas from a very special bakery in Hawaii. Please don't drop sugar all over the place!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .and the rest is at the end of this chapter, as usual.

o-o-o

Bakura mentally sighed to himself, but made sure that his face didn't reflect his state of mind. He was running pitifully short on cards, and Tea had a positive battering ram on her side of the field. Worse yet, Ryou had already used his Change of Heart on some other creature, to no effect. It wasn't fair!

The tomb robber sighed, then drew. He'd have to draw something good, or he'd be cooked like a Sunday ham (whatever that was). He looked at the card he drew. Perhaps his luck was turning around. . .

_WTF-47_

_DJ Yuz_

_If you can reach a plate of spaghetti without moving your rear end, you can Special Summon this monster without a tribute._

_Dark/Spiky-Haired Guy; 5; 2200/1500/Effect; Common_

The aforementioned plate of spaghetti was on a small table right next to Bakura. Bakura grinned as widely as he could. This duel wasn't over by a long shot!

"I think I'll summon this!" Bakura slammed his newfound savior onto the field. The light slowly took form. K-na shook his head. Tea could only gape.

Bakura's monster had red hair that somehow outdid Yugi's spikiness, Varon's volume, and Tristan's lack of taste. The boundary between his forehead and his hair was blocked by a metallic, spiky headband that could have been used to hang clothes (or something). Brown-red eyes met K-na's sometimes-blue-sometimes-green-depends-on-the-artist's-intention eyes. His clothing was made up of a rather boring T-shirt and pants. Many, many bracelets decorated Yuz's wrists.

"What is that?" Tea asked VERY slowly. Bakura licked his lips.

"It's my new friend. How do you like him?" the tomb robber asked. Yuz's head turned towards the spaghetti near Bakura. The monster with the red hair reached into a random plot hole and pulled out a plate of spaghetti, which he began to devour messily. K-na went white. Tea went green. Bakura turned some shade between green and white. Even Ryou, during his mad caffeine rushes, didn't eat THAT messily!

"He needs a napkin," Tea said hesitantly. Yuz reached through another plot hole, grabbed a napkin, and wiped his face clean of spaghetti sauce. K-na, being the intelligent man that he's supposed to be, had his nose buried in a book.

"Then I'll play my Pot of Greed, set these face-down, and end my turn," Bakura said sweetly. Tea grimaced. K-na turned green. Yuz turned white. Two cards appeared behind Yuz. Yuz did his best to avoid them.

"I think I'll run over you new friend," Tea said sarcastically. Several people hit the floor hard. Since when was Tea sarcastic?

A VERY LARGE sheaf of papers appeared in K-na's hands. He hurled them towards Yuz. Suddenly, the papers flew away from Yuz. Tea did her best to shield herself as the papers went after her head. Bakura stood over one of his cards, beaming proudly.

"Take that, you brat," Bakura said triumphantly. Tea glared at Bakura's Magic Cylinders. Her life dropped dramatically.

"I'll set a couple of my own cards face-down AND set another monster face-down and end my turn." A feisty snarl decorated Tea's dainty features.

"Now, now, no need to get nasty," Bakura said, as he drew. . .his Bait Doll. Bakura growled. He peeked at his set card. It didn't matter what Tea had set down. Really, it didn't.

_WTF-7_

_Hit That! (but not that)_

_This card can only be actived during the Battle Phase. Search your Deck for a non-monster card, then put that card face-down off the field. Put the target monster next to the pulled card. Shuffle the monster and the pulled card around. Spectators are allowed to yell and point at the card they think is the monster. After 10 seconds, your opponent must guess which card is the monster card. If he/she guesses correctly, the monster is destroyed, and you take Direct Damage equal to the Attack of the destroyed monster. If he/she guesses wrong, add the card that you pulled to your hand, and negate all damage done to you and the target monster for the current Battle Phase. Regardless of the outcome, shuffle your deck._

_Common (Trap)_

He could take any one of his monster's attacks as a Life Point deficit, and he'd still be alive. Tea, on the other hand. . .if he knew her correctly. . .that Bait Doll was going to win the duel for him.

"First I'll. . ." Bakura said, his voice trailing off. He read the effect of the card he held. Perhaps this wasn't the best move.

_WTF-49_

_DJ Daruma_

_This card's attack is the combined attack of all face-up monsters on your side of the field (except for this monster) divided by the number of monsters on your side of the field (except for this monster)._

_Light/Genius Slacker/Effect; 3; 0/0; Rare_

By his calculations, his little Genius Slacker would be a 1400ish monster, BUT the minute DJ Yuz left the field, Daruma would be worthless. Daruma stared at him through the card, his green hood obscuring his face. It wasn't the best move at all. The Morphing Jar grinned at him. On secod thought, it was his only move.

"I'll summon the almighty DJ Daruma! Come out!" K-na and Yuz hit the floor hard. The figure that appeared from the light looked to be about as old as the middle Kaiba brother, if there was a middle Kaiba brother. His green hood obscured his face and hair. He wore an orange, puffy vest and army pants. From the way his eyes moved, the new DJ looked like he yawned.

"Then I'll play Autonomous Action Unit to yank a monster from your graveyard to my side of the field!" Bakura's Life Points obliginly dropped by 1500, as the card he activated pulled something out of Tea's graveyard. Bakura didn't care what he pulled. The monster materialized. It was a pair of Bite Shoes. EVERYONE except for Tea facefaulted hard.

"WHAT!" Tea said in reaction to the facefaults. Everyone facefaulted again. Bakura sighed. He'd better win this one!

"I'll also remove an Earth monster from my graveyard to summon this for no reason at all! Come on out!" Gigantes obeyed. Yuz jumped back a few paces. Daruma had fallen asleep, his attack displayed as "?". Gigantes burped. Tea's face screwed up into a grimace. Bakura was far from done!

"Then I play my Bait Doll. . .AGAIN! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Tea sighed. K-na looked like he sighed. Daruma scratched at something within his hood. Tea's eyebrow went up as she obliginly activated the card Bakura had pointed to.

_WTF-48_

_Tekka's Sushi_

_Flip a coin and call it. If you call it right, gain life equal to the number of monsters on the field x 300 Life Points. If you call it wrong, take damage equal to the number of the monsters on the field x 300 Life Points._

_Common (Trap)_

"I call tails," Tea said smoothly. She sounded SO confident. One hour of her time rested on this coin flip. The coin went up. . .

. . .and came back down as heads. Tea blinked as 1800 Life Points were suddenly subtracted. Bakura had won the duel. He grinned, and his mental lock slipped. Ryou reappeared, completely bewildered.

"Yo Tea! Don't feel too bad." Joey ran over to Tea, who looked like she could use a hug (but NOT from him!).

"Whatever. You still owe me an apology for calling me a whiny brat," Rebecca said calmly. She wore a grin that was almost too big for her face.

"You lost?" Tea asked, far more blunt that normal. Joey nodded, his face drooping. Rebecca beamed. It was painful to watch.

"You and your stupid. . .I demand a rematch!" Rex growled out. Mako threw back his head and laughed heartily.

"It wasn't MY Level Limit that messed you up, and it's not MY fault that I knew how to use Offerings to the Doomed to good effect!" Mako said happily. Rex glared.

"Pfft. Kids. At least they had a winner," Malik growled out. Some biker guy that Ryou hadn't really been introduced to nodded sagely.

"What happened?" Ryou asked, calmly. Malik smiled at the white-haired boy. The two had quite a bit in common, and made sure to stay in touch (BUT NOT LIKE THAT, YOU SICK, SICK PEOPLE!).

"Raphael over there threatened to steal one of my monsters. I used Destruction Ring on it as a last-ditch effort to win the duel. He then Ceasefired me! It was a draw!" Ryou blinked. Drawing a duel was a good deal harder than winning a duel (usually).

"Well, that ends the duels! Don't forget to see the guy in the suit near the door for your thank-you gifts! Feel free to stay and duel! Farewell!" Pegasus fairly flew off the stage. Ryou idly wondered if the CEO of Industrial Illusions needed to go to the bathroom.

"Hey, has anyone seen Kaiba around?" Joey asked.

"Don't you get tired of losing!" Rebecca asked, more insistently.

Ryou sighed. How DID he get into this mess?

o-o-o

I'm sorry if this fic refused to end!

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the artwork, the song "symbolic" (that's owned by TaQ), the song "Hit That!" (I don't know the artist off the top of my head), or anything else that isn't a Beatmania IIDX 10th Style OST.

"symbolic" is the final song in the Assault course. . .and it sounds cool. This is the final fic in the mini-series (but this fic isn't done yet!)

DJ Yuz is DJ #1, and technically made his debut in 2nd Style. He's a BIG fan of spaghetti, and also seemed to have a crush on DJ Celica (I don't know if he still does). Last but not least, he was DJ Shiki's one-time IIDX teacher.

Hit That! (but not that) was an idea from a friend of mine.

DJ Daruma made his debut in 8th Style. He's the same age as DJ Tsugaru, but hides his face under his mask to make sure that Tsugaru doesn't recognize him when the two of them are out late at night playing IIDX (don't ask). He can be smart. . .if he wants to be.

Tekka's Sushi is a reference to DJ Tekka (obviously). The effect is sort of like a Gift of the Mystical Elf gone horribly wrong.

Anyone that doesn't know what Change of Heart, Pot of Greed, and Magic Cylinders does hasn't been paying attention.

Autonomous Action Unit is a common card that allows a player to revive a monster from his/her opponent's Graveyard at a cost of 1500 Life Points. Tea's Bite Shoes is a running, inside joke.

Gigantes is a Special Summon that involves removing an Earth monster from your own graveyard. Its other effect was not used here.

Offerings to the Doomed will destroy a face-up monster. . .but then the player who activated it skips their next Draw Phase. It can be used to keep from decking out (though that use is not recommended).

Destruction Ring will destroy a monster on the player's side of the field, and inflict 1000 points of damage to both players.

Ceasefire flips all monsters face-up (no Flip Effects), and deals 500 points of damage to the opponent for every Effect monster on the field.

I think that's all of them. . .please review!


	12. Please Don't Go

Chapter 12 - Please Don't Go

Author's notes:

Whew! Time! Free time!

Amelda: I sure didn't miss you!

Varon: Neither did I!

Raphael: . . .I think my birthdate has been compromised. . .

Me: I do love my schoolwork!

Thank you Caorann fridh Bronach (I think I got your name righ this time), RykenInverse, and TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME! Here's. . .ah, great, I'm running out of stuff. . .chiffon cake slices for both of you!

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME, the Fire Emblem that was released last month is Fire Emblem 8: Seima no Kouseki (which stars the twins Ephraim and Eirik(a)). Fire Emblem 6: Fuuin no Tsurugi stars Roy, and will most likely never come out in America. All hail Joshua!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .ah, forget it, the rest is at the end of the chapter!

o-o-o

Amelda fumed. WHY didn't he have a chance to duel? He would have been oh-so-happy if he'd had a chance to duel the older Kaiba again. He would have been twice as happy if he could've beaten the living daylights out of a certain goggled former teammate. But NO. . .prissy little Pegasus had to give Raphael the opportunity to duel! And Raphael got a chance to duel the hot chick's little bro!

Whichever hot chick that was.

Mai had a body that could make any straight guy drool, but her cold attitude was a total turn-off. Worse yet, Varon had been VERY interested in her. Therefore, she had to be a loser.

The lady in the cloak didn't hide her beauty well enough. However, she DID slap him after he helped her. . .Amelda shoved her into the same category as Mai.

Yugi's girlfriend was out of the question. She talked too much, and her chest was just too flat.

So was Yugi's brown-haired girlfriend. Even if her bust-to-waist-to-hip ratio looked like it would make a supermodel jealous.

Which left the pictures on the cards.

Amelda was so absorbed in his 'thoughts' that his feet carried him straight into something that wasn't air. Amelda stumbled. A familiar protest greeted his ears.

Mokuba Kaiba was latched onto Amelda's leg, mostly because that was the only way the shorter boy could keep his balance.

"Mokuba, dear," Amelda said, in his best Pegasus imitation, "do you REALLY want to see what's under my pants?"

"KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!" Seto Kaiba screeched. Amelda whistled to himself. Seto's voice had gone up an octave more than it should have.

"Now, now, Kaiba boy, I do believe that Mokuba is the one with his hands on ME," Amelda stated, still in Pegasus Mode. In response, Mokuba kept on holding on.

Seto Kaiba walked over to where his younger brother stood. He tried tapping his younger brother on the shoulder, to no effect. He leaned down, and whispered something in Mokuba's ear. Amelda caught the words, "Mr. Happy." One of Amelda's eyebrows went up.

"Hey Yugi, move outta the way! I want a good clear shot of this!" Amelda looked up at the source of the voice. Joey Wheeler had a video camera aimed approximately at Amelda's midsection. From that angle, the video camera wouldn't pick up Mokuba. Instead, it would look like. . .

"YOU STUPID DOG!" Kaiba screamed. It had taken the CEO of Kaiba Corporation a mere split second to figure out what Joey had in mind.

"What's going on?" Mokuba asked, finally relinquishing hold on Amelda's leg.

"I am going to make Joey Wheeler scream like a schoolgirl, and neither of you are to interfere. Understand?" For once, Amelda was in full agreement with Kaiba. No wonder Varon had such a--

"Aw, Joey, you ruined it!" Varon exclaimed. Varon also had a video camera in hand, aimed at about the same spot Joey's camera was aimed at.

"Varon, when I am through with you. . ." Amelda said through clenched teeth. Joey and Varon high-fived each other before running off in opposite directions.

Amelda's thoughts were on Varon's untimely demise as he ran into something that wasn't air. He looked up at Raphael's wry grin.

"I think you'll find this card amusing. The nice man in the suit near the door gave her to me," Raphael said, as he walked off, calm as ever. Amelda stopped his thoughts of Varon's imminent death and read what Raphael had given him.

_WTF-51_

_DJ Lilith_

_Negate the activation of any Spell card by sticking a pin into a voodoo doll that represents your opponent. If you do not have a voodoo doll that represents your opponent, make one. If you'd rather not construct a voodoo doll, or if you are Amish, pay 550 Life Points to negate said Spell Card._

_Dark/Gothic; 4; 1800/600/Effect; Rare_

The girl on the card stared at him with a solemn expression on her face. Her dark hair was separated into two ponytails (not pigtails). Her black leather zip-up vest restrained a magnificent chest. Her slender arms were decorated with yellow armbands. Her nails were painted with a startling red nail polish. Her wide black eyes held a mix of sorrow and boredom.

Amelda fell in love.

"Brother, why does Amelda's pants--mrph!" Mokuba struggled in his older brother's grip, to no avail.

"Mokuba, cut that out! You've gotten yourself into enough trouble for one day!" Seto Kaiba said angrily.

Amelda's thoughts were on the card he held. Out of curiosity, he put his newly-acquired monster on the field in attack position. A square in front of him glowed. DJ Lilith appeared in front of him. Or rather, her back end appeared in front of him. Amelda had no objections. She was HOT.

A stranger with white hair looked at his duel disk in confusion. A monster had summoned itself! It looked like the monster Pegasus had used against Kaiba.

Yugi's brown-haired girlfriend looked at her duel disk in confusion. Another monster had summoned itself! It was DJ K-Na.

Another monster appeared next to DJ Lilith. Amelda stared at his duel disk in amazement. DJ Siren had summoned himself from Amelda's deck!

Yugi's other girlfriend looked at her duel disk in shock. A monster had summoned herself! It was the girl with the unholy shriek.

Varon gave a shout of surprise, as DJ Sakura came out without warning.

Raphael cried out, as a redheaded monster summoned himself. The monster wore goggles simliar to Varon's.

The girl with the unholy shriek (DJ Iroha) ran over to DJ Lilith. Suddenly, DJ Sakura went on the move. The expression on DJ Iroha's face changed from cheerful to angry. She unzipped her vest part of the way down. Amelda drooled. Two sexy girls stood near him.

DJ Lilith turned towards DJ Siren, with another unreadable expression on her face. DJ Siren backed away.

DJ Tekka (the redhead introduced earlier) and DJ K-Na stood back and blushed a bit.

DJ Shem (the monster used against Kaiba earlier) glared at the assembly. He walked towards DJ Lilith, and put two hands on her shoulder. She looked up at him, and effectively blocked Amelda's view of her with her head.

The hot chick's younger brother cursed. A pink-haired woman walked over to DJ Lilith and smiled. DJ Lilith nodded (and for the record, the one with the pink hair is DJ Nyah).

"Alright, you guys, no one said that you could come out and play! Go back to where you came from!" Pegasus had mysteriously reappeared onstage.

DJ K-Na walked over to Mai. He motioned for her to take her deck out. She gave him an odd look, but obliged. He then communicated his wish for her to fan her cards out. She gave him an odder look, but complied. He pointed to one of the cards in Mai's deck. Mai took it out, and read it. . .and read it again. . .and again. Amelda felt dizzy from looking at her eyes.

_WTF-45_

_FNA Surgery_

_All face-up monsters on the field are considered to have the word "DJ" in their name until the end of the turn._

_Short Print; Quick-Play_

"You want me to activate this?" Mai asked the hologram. The hologram nodded. Mai shrugged, but obliged.

"Mai, what are you. . .oh, no," Pegasus muttered into the microphone. All the duel disks started to glow, including Amelda's. In moments, the room looked like an anime convention gone wrong. Amelda found himself looking at the back of a trenchcoat. Upon closer investigation, the person's trenchcoat was brownish-gray, NOT white, and the person's hair was white, NOT brown. It had to be a hologram. The person in the trenchcoat turned around. It was DEFINITELY a hologram. Amelda found himself looking up at a very tall man with blueish eyes and face paint under said eyes. A sword hung at his waist. The overall effect would have been frightening, if this hologram were a real person.

"Oh, good, you found him," Varon said merrily. The hologram cocked an eyebrow. Varon motioned for Amelda to look at his deck. Amelda read the card, then looked up at the hologram, who. . .winked.

_WTF-55_

_DJ Shi-Low_

_This card cannot designate a face-up "DJ Celica" or "DJ Erika" as an attack target._

_Wind/Bishounen/Effect; 7; 2800/2300; Super Rare_

A Catnipped Kitty from someone's deck wandered over to DJ Shi-Low. The sword-wielding DJ bent down and let the cat hop on his shoulder. He ambled off into the crowd, with the cat now on his head. Varon and Amelda exchanged several glances.

"I did not think this was possible," a soft voice from Amelda's left said. The lady in the cloak pointed towards what appeared to be a brawl between Joey and someone else. Several spectators were watching the brawl, including. . .Joey?

"Oh, that must be the rivals, DJ Eiri and DJ Nix!" Varon said happily. One of Amelda's finely-honed instincts told him that Varon had done a little bit of Internet research on this set beforehand.

"Here's a mug of coffee," Mako said flatly to no one in particular.

"Here's a nice warm futon," Rex said, just as flatly.

In moments, the two brawlers were next to the people who owned their cards. The Joey look-alike snuggled up to Rex, while the one with the visor looked up at Mako, eyes shining. Rex and Mako looked ready to hurl.

"THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!" Pegasus screamed into the microphone. Amelda found himself face-to-face with a monster that could be Yugi's freckled-faced girlfriend in 10 years, provided that she survived that long. The hologram looked at Amelda, shock in her eyes. She turned around and saw Raphael. She smiled at him shyly.

"Your teacher is to the left," Raphael said emotionlessly. The hologram blew him a kiss before disappearing into the crowd. Amelda shot Raphael a quizzical look. Raphael held up a card.

_WTF-52_

_DJ Erika_

_This card cannot be the target of anything if there is a face-up "DJ K-Na" on your side of the field._

_Wind/Apprentice/Effect; 3; 1500/1300; Common_

"It's all in here," Raphael stated, as he tossed Amelda a booklet. Amelda opened it up, and began to read.

Author's notes, yet again:

I'm sorry if this chapter stinks! I'm in a bit of a hurry, as of now!

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style here), any of the characters, or any of the songs.

"Please Don't Go" is a very. . .interesting song by Asletics. On Another, it has WAY too much scratching!

Explanations for the cards:

DJ Lilith is Shem's younger sister, Iroha's friend, K-na's love interest (but don't tell anyone), Tekka's classmate, and Siren's problem (the problem is she likes him, and he doesn't. . .not surprising, given the age difference).

FNA Surgery is a play on DNA Surgery. The "changed" title involves a very wearing song named "A" (by DJ Amuro).

DJ Shi-Low is the resident bishie. He knows how to use a sword. DJ Ereki is his younger brother. DJ Yuz is his rival. He has a thing for cats.

DJ Erika is DJ K-na's apprentice hacker, and DJ Shi-Low's pen pal. She's also supposed to be DJ Celica's older sister, but neither of them know this. She works as a model for DJ Shem's clothing store.

That should be it for the DJs. The next question: HOW is Pegasus supposed to restore order now?


	13. dual control

Chapter 13 - dual control

Author's notes:

Sorry for the wait! I've been busy. Quite busy.

Varon: Perhaps TOO busy with school, work, and a respiratory illness. . .

Me: There's no such thing as that.

LeDiva, Caorann fridh Bronach, and Fifilafemme, here's some. . .er, haupia? It's kind of like a coconut gelatin, and it's really, really good!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .and the rest is at the bottom.

Anyway, onward!

x.x.x.x.x.x

Ishizu regarded the scene in front of her as if she were at home, watching some sort of bad comedy flick. It didn't matter that there were a whole bunch of holograms on the loose. It didn't matter that some obnoxious redhead had asked her for her number and her measurements.

Ishizu needed to find a bathroom. Fast.

Her problems was a very specific type of problem. If everyone in the room knew what she needed to do, most would turn pale and faint. Two other people in the room would understand just how urgent Ishizu's situation was. Both of them looked like they took care of the same problem in a completely different way.

Ishizu's stomach began to hurt. Her head pounded miserably. Her body carried a dull ache. It was THAT time, and she needed to change desperately.

After a few more minutes of aimless wandering, Ishizu found what she was looking for. With a sigh of relief, she set out to do her business.

Several minutes later, Ishizu emerged, and went on the hunt for another facility. This one was far easier to find. Most architects were nice enough to put the water fountains right next to the bathrooms. From the folds of her robe, Ishizu produced a bottle of pills. She tapped one out, filled her mouth with water, and--

"So, are you free for dinner tonight, honey?" came an all-too-familiar voice. Ishizu half swallowed/half spewed the water in her mouth.

"What the HELL is your problem!" she screeched. The redhead took a few steps back.

"Whoa, didn't mean to startle you. Is it that time of the month or something?" Ishizu let her glare answer the redhead's question. The redhead apparantly had a brain somewhere in his body, for he took a few more steps back before retreating back the way he came. Ishizu did a quick check of her surroundings before going back to the water fountain, and--

Another loud shriek made Ishizu gulp her water too fast. A big red something sat in the approximate middle of a large group of people. Ishizu whipped out her booklet, and did some picture comparisons. There was no doubt about it. That thing in the middle of the room was yet another one of Pegasus' creations.

_WTF-5_

_Red-Eyes Communist Dragon_

_Whenever this card destroys a monster as a result of battle, create one "Proletariat" token (Wind/ Thunder; 4; 1000/1000) in Attack Mode on your side of the field._

_Dark/Dragon/Effect; 8; 3100/2100; Super Rare_

The "dragon" (for in reality, it looked more like a plush toy gone very wrong) looked directly at her. It let out a small belch before turning its attentions elsewhere. Ishizu sighed, shook her head, and went back to the water--

"AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" came a loud scream from behind her. Ishizu found herself cheated of another mouthful of water. A man with purple hair and a goatee ran towards her general direction, with her younger brother in tow (and in case anyone was wondering, Malik was the one responsible for that unholy shriek). The dragon took a deep breath. Ishizu found herself staring at the great open maw of the dragon. She idly wondered if that dragon really was a hologram.

The dragon let loose.

Clouds of black smoke enveloped Ishizu, but she found that she could breathe quite easily. When the smoke cleared, her younger brother stood next to her, facing a card with the picture of a white chip on it. The man with the purple hair had been turned into a token.

"Oh, hi sis, are you okay?" Malik asked. Ishizu sighed. Malik nodded and ran off. At least her younger brother was trained to leave her alone.

Ishizu tried yet again to obtain a mouthful of water. This time, nothing interesting happened. She popped a pill into her mouth. The room went white. Ishizu gulped. The pill went down the correct pipe. The water did not. In the midst of her coughing fit, Ishizu got a glimpse of the thing responsible for whiting out the room. It was the Blue-Eyes Neo-Fascist Dragon. Somewhere between her and the women's bathroom, another token stood there, somewhat pathetically. With a sigh, she pushed past the unfortunate token and made her way to the bathroom.

"Hey there, miss, changed your mind?" The irritating redhead was back, and he stood near the paper towel dispenser. Ishizu glared at him. Did he think to sink so low as to--

"Did you come here to accept my proposal for a date? That's sweet, but you could have waited until I was out of the bathroom," the redhead continued. Ishizu blinked, and took a better look around. Several facilities NOT meant for a women's bathroom were lined up against a far wall. Fortunately, none were occupied.

Ishizu moved her hand to slap the impudent redhead across the face, but he caught her wrist. A shadow fell acroos both of them.

"So, Amelda, finally found a woman?" The person who said that TOWERED over Ishizu. He had enough muscle to make things go his way. Before Ishizu could feel properly intimidated, another shadow appeared.

"Hey, mate, looks like you got yourself a beauty!" The speaker wore goggles over his head. He also looked, sounded, and smelled like he was from Europe (no offense to my European readers! It IS possible to distinguish people by certain world regions by smell alone, but one needs an extremely sensitive nose to do so).

The redhead (whose name was apparantly Amelda) sputtered. Ishizu took that time to snatch her wrist out of his grasp. She positioned herself so that she could leave the bathroom quickly, then dealt every occupant in the bathroom a well-deserved slap.

"She's just playing hard to get," Amelda said, as she ran from the bathroom. Several unmanly giggles radiated from the open bathroom door. Ishizu corrected herself, then found the women's bathroom. Her duel disk glowed. A figure popped out. Ishizu wondered if her life was being dictated by some evil fanfic writer, for the hologram that popped out was male.

_WTF-9_

_Freaky the Wandering Warrior_

_Remove 2 monsters whose Attribute color matches a color that you are currently wearing to destroy 1 face-up monster on the field._

_Light/Warrior/Effect; 5; 1700/1400; Rare_

Freaky looked extremely strange. His messy dirt-red/black/yellow hair was long enough to put Ishizu's to shame. His patchwork, multicolored clothes could make the blind see. His purple eyes gleamed with mischief.

Ishizu ran from the bathroom, screaming.

Ishizu ran from the bathroom, screaming, straight into another person. It was the redhead and his two friends.

"I don't think you want to run any further than this," the redhead stated. Ishizu gave him the Big Sister Glare Of Imminent Death. He jerked a finger over his shoulder.

The two dragons faced off against each other. Several of the DJ cards did their best to blend with the rest of the crowd. Both dragons began to glow. Ishizu took out her book, and desperately thumbed through the pages, in an effort to find out what was happening. She rolled her eyes. This could NOT be happening!

_WTF-15_

_Perfect Race Revolution_

_This card can only be activated if you have at least three "Members of the Perfect Race" tokens on your side of the field AND only during your Main Phase 1. Destroy your "Blue-Eyes Neo-Fascist Dragon" (if it's still on the field), and everything on your opponent's side of the field. Your opponent discards his/her hand._

_Short Print_

_WTF-57_

_Proletariat Revolution_

_This card can only be activated if you have at least three "Proletariat" tokens on your side of the field AND only during your Main Phase 1. Destroy your "Red-Eyes Communist Dragon" (if it's still on the field), and everything on your opponent's side of the field. Your opponent discards his/her hand._

_Short Print_

The light became intense. Ishizu shielded her eyes. When she could see again, the plushie that was the Red-Eyes Communist Dragon stood, with nothing to defeat it. It threw its head back in what Ishizu assumed to be its victory roar. Off to the side, all the female DJ cards huddled together. Two of them turned to each other and nodded. One disappeared. The other one unzipped her vest. Amelda's nose bled.

"Gimme a break, she's still wearing something under there, rookie," the big blonde guy told Amelda. Amelda sighed and wiped his nose.

The girl who unzipped her vest tapped the dragon on its hind leg. The dragon turned towards her. She wound her fist back and punched the dragon HARD. The dragon shattered into many, many pretty colors. The girl who took down the dragon dusted her hands off. Suddenly, the woman who had disappeared reappeared. The girl who slayed the dragon looked around, then held her hand in what appeared to be pain.

"WHAT is it going to take for me to convince the lot of you to go back where you came from!" the PA system announced. The voice over the PA sounded like Pegasus himself.

A DJ with white hair and a banana-yellow shirt held up a sign. It read, "Why should we?"

"Because this is NOT your world!" Pegasus shrieked.

The sign disappeared. When it reappeared, it said, "Will you make us official, so at least we can come out and play more often?"

"All right, all right, but DON'T ever take over Kaiba's duel disks ever again, got it!"

The sign read, "You've got yourself a deal, Peggy." All the holograms vanished.

"My name is PEGASUS!" Pegasus screamed, to empty air.

Ishizu couldn't help but giggle. The giggle slowly turned into a gurgle. Ishizu had drank too little water! The medication she had taken earlier burned!

Before anyone or anything could think of stopping her, Ishizu ran to the water fountain.

"Women. I'll never understand them," Amelda said, as Ishizu guzzled water.

"Women. I'll never understand their bodies," the European one said. Ishizu continued to drain the water fountain for all she was worth.

"Women. I'll never understand why I'm in love with them," the big blonde said, as Ishizu turned around. All three of them had been staring at her. More precisely, all three of them had been staring at a certain portion of her anatomy.

Three loud smacks rang through the hall.

"Man, those guys are idiots," Malik said, from across the hall.

x.x.x.x.x.x

Author's note, again:

Phew, another chapter done! Now that my connection is cooperating, life should be a lot better!

Ishizu's "problems" are what I go through on a regular basis (sans the pills). The pills she took were made of naproxene sodium, and if one takes them without enough water, it HURTS. Drinking water stops the burning.

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX, any of the songs, the song "dual control" (which is owned by Mr. T), or any of the characters.

The order of appearance of the DJ cards are as follows: DJ Siren was turned into a token. DJ Sakura possessed DJ Iroha, causing the latter to unzip her vest. While possessed, DJ Iroha's Attack became 3500, which was enough to take out either dragon. After the battle, DJ Sakura turned herself back into a card, which left DJ Iroha somewhat clueless, and in pain. The "spokesperson" of the group was DJ K-Na (who I happen to think is very cool).

Red-Eyes Communist Dragon is the complement of Blue-Eyes Neo-Fascist Dragon. Both describe alternate means of government. Thus, their stats are perfectly equal. Both also create tokens that are "units" of their governed. I recommend doing more research on both systems, for more information. Or, get unlucky, and get stuck with The Communist Manifesto as required reading for a history class.

Freaky the Wandering Warrior is a blatant parody of Freed the Wandering Warrior. Freed's effect allows for a monster on the field to be destroyed if its current owner removes two Light monsters from the game. Freaky is a bit more liberal than that.

The Proletariat Revolution and Perfect Race Revolution are both a bad spin-off of the Huge Revolution. Take out the part about the tokens and the dragons, replace the tokens with the appropriate monsters (which would be the Oppressed People, the People Running About, and United Resistance), and it's the Huge Revolution card.

I hope to end this fic shortly. I promise that I'll put the ENTIRE card list at the end of this fic. I'll also see if I can't jog a few people's imaginations of the DJ characters. That will come later.

Review if you like. If you don't. . .I'll be sad.


	14. Poodle

Chapter 14 - Poodle

Author's notes:

And with a mighty whomp, school resumes!

Amelda: What the heck does that have to do with anything?

Fifilafemme, Caorann fridh Bronach, and LeDiva, here's some baklava I found! As for haupia being gelataneous. . .I think part of the recipe calls for tapioca, which can get pretty messy.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .and the rest occureth later.

x.x.x.x.x.x

Tea sat with a deranged tomb robber across from her. As soon as Tea had lost, the tomb raider had given her just enough time to pick up her cards before dragging her off to the nearest ice cream store. He ordered an ice cream for himself, then invited Tea to order. Before Tea could pay for her vanilla ice cream cone, the tomb robber paid for her.

His kindness towards her was creeping her out more than his unhinged laughing ever did.

"Why are you doing this?" Tea asked the person sitting across from her. For all her efforts, she might as well been talking to thin air. The white-haired lunatic simply refused to answer.

As Tea tried to contemplate what the tomb robber was cooking up, someone bumped her chair. The sudden jolt caused Tea's ice cream to fall on and in her black shirt. Tea gasped. The ice cream was COLD! Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten a particular article of clothing that day. . .

"Well, now, that's a treat for sore eyes!" Tea looked up into the eyes of the person who bumped her. She had no idea who he was, but he sure smelled bad.

"Keep your eyes and hands off of her, or you will spend the rest of eternity in darkness," Bakura said, deadly calm. The stranger who'd ruined Tea's shirt sneered at the former tomb robber. Bakura stood up, unruffled. The stranger swung at Bakura. Bakura dodged fluidly. The Millenium Ring glowed merrily. Bakura laughed psychotically. The stranger gasped and fell.

Bakura turned towards the shop employees, who stared freely. "Do you want to share the same fate as him?" he asked pointedly. The employees took the hint and found other things to do.

Things had returned to normal.

Something disturbed Tea's peripheral vision. She looked up to see Bakura holding a bunch of napkins.

"I. . .thought you could use this to clean up. . ." he said uneasily. Tea took his offer, and did her best to salvage her shirt.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Tea blurted out, once she had finished wiping the ice cream off of herself.

"It's. . .ah. . ." The tomb robber hesitated, then looked out the window. Tea blinked. Perhaps Ryou had taken over. . .

"I want to go to the school dance with you," Bakura said, as fast as he could. Tea blinked. This had to be a bad dream! There WAS no school dance, to her knowledge.

"Ryou walked by a student council meeting, and he happened to hear about it," Bakura explained. Tea did some counting on her fingers. That dance was at least three months away!

"Why are you asking me now?" Tea asked, puzzled. The tomb raider blushed.

"Because I didn't want that dweeb Yugi to ask you first," Bakura said. Tea facefaulted.

"I wasn't planning on going to the dance with anyone!" Tea exclaimed. Bakura's motives were quite strange, indeed.

"Accept, girl, or your body and soul will be painfully separated," Bakura growled.

"Alright, alright, I'll go with you. . .but why do you want to go to the school dance?" Tea asked. She had a right to know. . .right?

"I will NOT be questioned by you!" Bakura said, menacingly. He probably had something really stupid to hide. Tea was determined to get it out of him.

"Do you like to dance, Bakura?" she asked in the most seductive tone she could muster.

"I said it's none of your business!" Bakura turned away, but not before Tea saw the blood rush to his face.

"Don't be shy! Come with me!" Tea grabbed Bakura's hand, and dragged him off, before he could issue any more orders. She had a potential convert in her hands!

The arcade she had in mind was not too far from the ice cream shop. Bakura's unsteady footsteps followed her.

A woman walking a poodle stepped out from behind a building. Tea stopped suddenly. The sudden stop caused Bakura to trip and fall on top of her.

"What the hell are you two doing?" an all-too-familiar voice said from above. Two of her three best friends stood above her. Joey had his arms crossed over his chest. Yugi blushed.

"If you so much as think about telling them what happened. . ." Bakura whispered. Tea gulped.

"I'm fine," Tea managed to say. Bakura was much heavier than he looked! Yugi's face turned a deeper shade of red. Joey continued to glare at Bakura.

"Why are you blushing, Yugi?" Tea inquired. Yugi turned away, but not before Tea saw his nose start to bleed. She looked down at her shirt. Those ice cream stains. . .those dirty little. . .

"Go away, or I will do the same things to you as I did to her," Bakura growled to the two boys standing over her. Joey and Yugi ran. Tea did her best to suppress a giggle.

"You're really subtle," Tea remarked, as she got up. Her eyes caught something. Joey and Yugi must have dropped their cards in their haste to escape Bakura's generous offer to treat them to ice cream.

"Where were you going to take me?" Bakura asked. Tea smiled prettily at him, the cards in her hands forgotten.

"I was going to give you a dance lesson," she replied.

"No can do. Ryou got himself grounded, and he can't go to the arcade for the rest of the month. As I am stuck in his body, I too cannot go." Tea whistled. Bakura could sound intelligent when he wanted to! Tea looked down at her empty hands. Empty?

"Hmm. . .these cards are weird beyond belief. . ." Bakura mumbled. Tea took a peek over his shoulder.

_WTF-25_

_Colors (radio edit)_

_If you are wearing nail polish on your nails, increase the attack of all your face-up monsters by the number of colors of nail polish you're wearing (NOT counting clear nail polish) x 100 Points until the end of the turn this card was activated. If not, this card does nothing._

_Common; Quick-Play_

Bakura would have no use for that. Tea could find a use for it, but she'd have to buy a bottle of nail polish first.

_WTF-36_

_Government Restriction_

_Destroy all Tokens on the field. You and your opponent take Direct Damage equal to the total attack of you and your opponent's respective Tokens that were destroyed._

_Common_

Ouch. It was a Token Thanksgiving gone horribly wrong.

_WTF-13_

_The Non-Negatable Magic Card_

_The activation of this card cannot be stopped by a Monster Effect or any Continuous Trap Card. This card's activation can only be stopped by a Counter Trap. Cut your own Deck, then let your opponent cut your Deck._

_Common_

This card looked and sounded totally bogus. Pegasus must have been on something pretty strong to make it up.

_WTF-41_

_Tokenizer_

_All monsters on the field are considered Tokens until the end of the turn this card was activated._

_Common_

Tea winced even harder. This was asking for all sorts of trouble!

"I don't want any of them. Do you?" Bakura sneered. Tea gulped, then accepted the cards, then put the cards away before Bakura could change his mind.

"Shall I, uh, walk you home," Bakura asked, unsteadily.

"Tell me, was any of this Ryou's idea?" Tea asked.

"Uh, sort of. He told me that I'd have to flirt with you before I could ask you," Bakura mumbled. He blushed.

"Well then. . .I hope you kick the crap outta him tonight," Tea said, her voice nearly breaking. She stalked off towards her own home. The nerve of Ryou!

As soon as Tea was out of hearing distance, Bakura chuckled to himself. Ryou didn't have a clue on how to interact with a woman. It had all been his idea, and it had all worked perfectly! He'd get to dance, and Tea would think his behavior was all Ryou's fault! It was perfect!

The fun was just beginning!

x.x.x.x.x.x

Author's notes:

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX, or anything associated with it!

Colors (radio edit) was written by dj TAKA. It debuted on 6th Style, got an Another on 7th Style, and somehow appeared on DDR Extreme. This card was made especially for women.

Government Restrictions goes with the Red/Blue dragons in this set.

The Non-Negatable Magic Card is much more useful than it appears! Really, it is. . .

If the Tokenizer is ever made into a real card, all heck would break loose. Tokenizer + Lightning Vortex all face-up monsters on the opponent's side of the field are removed from the game! Programmers may get the second half of the joke.

"Poodle" is a song by Y&Co. that appears on IIDX Happy Sky. That song scares me. . .kinda like how this chapter did. . .

For all those hoping for a Bakura x Tea story. . .sorry, but Bakura isn't in this for romance, and neither is Tea! Bakura's messing with us all!

The entire point of this chapter was to clarify Tea's fate, that's all.

Review, if it was that good/bad.


	15. Toe Jam

Chapter 15 - Toe Jam 

Author's notes:

First, Fifilafemme, LeDiva, Caroann Fridh Bronach, and DJ Akira you get. . .ah. . .an pan! The bread itself is somewhere between French bread and sweet bread. Enjoy!

This chapter would have been up much sooner, but I've been having problems with my account. Sorry!

GAH! Too much homework. . .

Varon: Tell me about it! Raphael's night classes-  
Me: Way too much information, thankyouverymuch.

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh, the rest of the disclaimer (warning: VERY LONG) is at the end of the chapter, etc.

(Goin' on with the story. . .)

x.x.x.x.x

It had been about a month since Pegasus had put them through the strangest tournament Joey had ever been in. The crazy expansion set that Pegasus had released had been gobbled up by the general public like it was free mint chocolate chip ice cream. Needless to say, he had yet to see anyone get the Moronic Captain's attack up past 500.

Joey checked his e-mail like he had been doing every night ever since he had figured out what an e-mail was. As usual, he had about 50 messages. As usual, 49 of them were completely irrelevant to his well-being. Message number 50 looked very special.

It was from his sister, an ocean away from him.

Joey read the contents of the e-mail. He read it over again. He reached for the phone. He could not do this alone.

An hour later, Joey's room was full of people, about a third of which he actually invited. All of them had brought what he requested, although none of them knew why he had made that strange request.

"Alright folks, look at this e-mail I got from my sister," Joey announced.

"Is she cute?" Amelda and Varon asked simultaneously.

"I didn't invite you two freaks along!" Joey screamed.

"It's okay, they're not going to steal your soul or anything," Malik stated evenly.

"I didn't invite you either!" Joey screamed. Again.

"Well. . .you said bring all the anime and manga resources we could, so I did," Yugi said, as innocently as possible.

"Oh man, this bites," Joey muttered, mostly to himself.

"Why did you bring us all here?" Tristan asked, flatly. Joey got the impression that the Duel Monsters Dunce of the group would rather be sleeping.

"My sister said that Pegasus would not bring the Where's The Fun? set over to America, and she wants to know what the DJ characters look like," Joey explained.

Raphael burped.

Mai rolled her eyes.

Tristan snored.

"Hey, are you guys paying attention!" the frazzled host of the impromptu get-together shrieked. Tristan woke up.

"Where is the hot chick I was promised?" Seto stated, from the doorway of Joey's room. A bit of manga cover peeked out from Seto's suitcase.

"WHO THE HELL INVITED YOU!" Joey yelled. From behind Seto's legs, Mokuba raised his hand sheepishly.

"Listen, that chick belongs to me," Amelda stated firmly. Seto and Amelda glared at each other.

"So, Kaiba, what manga did you bring?" Yugi asked. Everyone ignored the short duelist. Yugi sighed.

"At the rate we're going, Serenity is never going to get an answer!" Tea exclaimed. She shrieked again, this time because Bakura's (or was it Ryou's?) arm was around her waist.

Everyone ignored her, too.

The phone rang. Joey picked it up, and did his best to decipher what the caller was saying.

"Hey, aniki, how are things going?" Joey blinked. The room suddenly went silent.

"Uh, just fine, Serenity," Joey managed to stammer out.

"HI SERENITY!" Duke, Tristan, Amelda, and Varon yelled.

"Who are those guys? They sound really scary," Serenity said, over the phone.

"They were, ah, helping me. . .with a project. Yeah, with a project," Joey told his younger sister.

"Oh, that's nice. You sound really busy. Say hi to the others for me!" Before Joey could object, Serenity had hung up.

"What did Serenity say?" Tristan asked.

"She said that all of you are ANNOYING!" Joey shouted.

"I came all this way out here for your YOUNGER SISTER! Mokuba, we're going home! Mokuba?" Seto looked down at his younger brother, who was munching on an ice cream cone.

"Aniki, I wanna stay. The scene in front of me looks like it was written by a deranged fanfic writer," Mokuba said, in his best innocent-little-brother tone.

"Oh, fine. But you," Seto said, as he pointed to Tea, "No. More. Friendship. Speeches." Seto's face fell when he saw where Tea's attention was directed.

Tea held Ryou in a nasty-looking submission hold. Seto sweatdropped.

"Yo, hands off of each other. Let's see what you guys brought!" Somehow, the motley group managed to cough up their goods.

"What is this? Seto reads Groove Adventure Rave!" Yugi exclaimed. Seto blushed.

"Raphael, those are OUR tapes of Mahou Sensei Negima," Amelda and Varon whined.

"Since when were you into Zatch Bell?" Rebecca asked Ishizu flatly. Ishizu blushed.

"Since when was a child genius into Rurouni Kenshin?" Joey asked Rebecca flatly. Rebecca stuck her tongue out at him.

"Bakura, get your hands off my Bleach!" Tea screamed.

"Tea, get your hands off my Rival Schools!" Bakura screamed back.

"Mai dear, you and I have the same taste in video games," Malik said, as both produced different years of The King of Fighters.

"Up high and down low!" Tristan and Duke exclaimed. Tristan held a Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken catridge. Duke tossed a Fire Emblem: Seima no Kouseki cartridge up and down. Yugi grinned and took out his Fire Emblem: Fuuin no Tsurugi cartridge out.

"I guess that just about settles it," Joey said. He held up his copies of Saiyuki proudly.

Three hours later, Joey typed up the answers that everyone had (more or less) agreed upon. The format looked something like this:

DJ Name - Alternate character (series), Notes (if any), Resemblance rating (1 none, 10 scary)

1. DJ Yuz - Jaffar (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), if he was about five years older, 8

2. DJ Celica - Serra (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), 10

3. DJ Duel - Bandit Keith, if Bandit Keith was clean-shaven and had semi-radioactive-green hair, 8

4. DJ Siren - Marcus (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), if Marcus was about 10 years younger and had indigo hair, 9

5. DJ Shi-low - Pent (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), 9

6. DJ Nix - Joey, if he ever lives to see 20, 8

7. DJ Q-Jack - Geitz (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), if Geitz wandered around with a modified bike helmet and shorter hair, 6

8. DJ Erika - Rachel (Fire Emblem: Seima no Kouseki), if Rachel grew her hair out a bit, 7

9. DJ Nyah - Elle (Groove Adventure Rave), if Elle's hair was pink and a little shorter, 6

10. DJ Shiki - Batsu (Rival Schools), less muscular, 7

11. DJ K-Na - Roy (Rival Schools), with Batsu's hair and a crazy expression on his face, 6

12. DJ Zilch - the owner of the Mamodo whose only purpose was to show how Zatch's third spell worked (Zatch Bell), 9

13. DJ Lilith - Konoka (Mahou Sensei Negima), with a serious expression, 9

14. DJ Ereki - Malik, if Malik put his hair up, 10

15. DJ Shem - Rath (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken), if Rath replaced his ho-hum expression with a crazed one, and if he got rid of his bandanna, 7

16. DJ Daruma - Son Goku (Saiyuki), sans staff, 10

17. DJ Tsugaru - Ku Fue (Mahou Sensei Negima), with lime green hair and white skin, 9

18. DJ Iroha - Asuna (Mahou Sensei Negima), with her hair down, 10

19. DJ Eiri - Ichigo (Bleach), 9

20. DJ Tekka - Female fanartists make him look like a young Kenshin (Rurouni Kenshin) with a haircut; his official artwork is closer to Zeiss (Fire Emblem: Fuuin no Tsurugi) with glasses, 8 (both)

21. DJ Sakura - Mai Shiranui (Fatal Fury/The King of Fighters), with longer, black hair, 9

"I'm hungry. Who wants to raid Joey's fridge?" Tristan asked the group. As a single mass, everyone except for Joey RAN to the kitchen.

"I'm in trouble," Joey whimpered to himself.

x.x.x.x.x

Author's notes, extended version:

This disclaimer's gonna be a long one!

I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX or any of its songs or characters, or anything from Zatch Bell, the Fire Emblem series, Mahou Sensei Negima, Bleach, Saiyuki, Fatal Fury (insert version here), The King of Fighters (insert year/version here), Rival Schools, Groove Adventure Rave, Rurouni Kenshin, or Tokyo Underground.

Joey: Who looks like what from where?

The authoress - A certain assassin with glasses (Tokyo Underground), 8

Everyone: Geez, that was lame.

I did not feel like putting the Japanese title for Zatch Bell in this fanfic, because it's WAY too long.

Fire Emblem: Fuuin no Tsurugi is the sixth installment in the Fire Emblem series (which will never be released here). This series gets mentioned because it stars Roy (and we ALL know where Roy made his American debut), and because it's the sequel to Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken (released in America in 2003 as Fire Emblem; Eliwood is the star of that game). Fire Emblem: Seima no Kouseki is known in America as Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, and it has nothing to do with the previous Fire Emblem games.

Mahou Sensei Negima is a fairly new anime series currently airing in Japan. It's darned funny if you're a guy and quite insulting if you're a girl.

Speaking of Mahou Sensei Negima. . .

22. DJ Xiatian - Ku Fue (Mahou Sensei Negima), 10

Everyone: WHO?  
Me: The new DJ for Happy Sky, which was released well after Pegasus released Where's The Fun?

I am not too familiar with Bleach or Saiyuki; I happened to see Ichigo and Son Goku by accident.

I've been a fan of The King of Fighters since I was in high school (a long, long time ago). Some of the characters from Fatal Fury made it to The King of Fighters (most notable is Terry Bogard; Mai Shiranui hopes to become his sister-in-law).

Rival Schools was released by Capcom, and I found that game to be quite amusing.

Groove Adventure Rave was released as Rave Masters in America. Elle's dress style, and her face (sort of) made me think of DJ Nyah. The only other resemblence in the series involves the Beyond the Earth video, and I don't feel like explaining THAT.

I'm not a particularly big fan of Rurouni Kenshin, but I am a fan of Guilty Gear, and Baiken's character design was taken off of Kenshin's design.

I have yet to see Tokyo Underground. Someone mentioned that I looked like that assassin, with a few minor differences.

Toe Jam is a song by Big Idea. It made its debut on Happy Sky. It's the only IIDX song that features a banjo. Its video shows ALL the characters, dressed a la the Old West, riding mechanical ponies. Go GOLI!

Sorry if this chapter dragged a bit! This is my way of trying to relate what everyone looks like, since Beatmania IIDX has a VERY small following.

I didn't bother introducing any new cards; they would have taken too long to incorporate. The next chapter will introduce the last bit of cards. One card in particular has a most interesting effect, involving clothes; try not to miss it!

Review, if you haven't fallen asleep already.


	16. I Was The One

The Tiger Took My Sanity

Chapter 16 - I Was The One

Author's notes:

Amelda: Man, this authoress is lame. She isn't going to get this fic out before the new year!

Me: Yeah, stop stating the obvious.

Thank you to LeDiva, Caroann fridh Bronach, and Fifilafemme for reviews for the last chapter! Here's some chocolate long johns, straight from a certain 24-hour restaurant/bakery. Enjoy!

This chapter was co-written with DJ Akira. Props to the creator of. . .a card I didn't plan on making!

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .aw, darn, the rest is at the end of the chapter.

I wouldn't spoil my own writing like that, now would I?

The entire Yu-Gi-Oh! cast: YES YOU WOULD!

x.x.x

Espa Roba woke up and did things as he normally would. His normal routine stopped cold when he found a card face-down on the toilet. It looked like it had been put there by one of his brothers. He sighed and looked at it. . .and looked at it again. . .and again. . .

_WTF-00_

_DJ Xiatian_

_Decrease the Attack of all monsters on your opponent's side of the field by 1000 for every brother you have. Increase the Attack of this card by 1000 points for every sister you have. Your brother(s) and/or sister(s) must have the same biological parents as you. Your brother(s) and/or sister(s) do not need to be alive._

_Fire/Majorly Tanned/Effect; 4; 1850/0; Secret Rare_

Espa Roba giggled like his youngest brother. It was time to reclaim a lost card.

a,a,a

Joey resisted the urge to throw his phone into the wall. This was the ninteenth time in an hour that it had rung. All but two had been crank calls. One was from Tristan; the other was from his sister.

"HELLO!" Joey screamed into the phone.

"What the heck is your problem?" the voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Who are you?" Joey responded.

"I'm Espa Roba," Espa responded back.

"Who are you?" Joey repeated.

"I'm Espa Roba," Espa repeated, his voice stained with irritation.

"Who ARE you?" Joey repeated, again.

"You're the idiot that has my Jinzo," Espa said, through gritted teeth.

"My Jinzo? How did you know I have a Jinzo?" Joey asked. Espa did his best not to scream.

"Because that Jinzo was mine!"

"Oh, hi Espa," Joey said, flatly. Espa rolled his eyes.

"I want my Jinzo back," Espa said, equally flatly.

"But I won that Jinzo!" Joey protested.

"I'm gonna win it back," Espa stated.

"You? Win? HAH!" Joey said into the phone.

"Wanna bet? Meet me at the park fountain in three hours," Espa said.

"Three hours? You're on, shorty!" Joey smirked as he hung up. This was too easy.

a.a.a

Espa's four brothers loved to watch their oldest brother duel, so the "aniki" of the family let them tag along. Things soon got messy after the middle brother dumped the second-youngest brother into the fountain.

Joey arrived just as the second-oldest brother fished the second-youngest brother out of the fountain. The wettest brother looked up at Joey. He ran over to give the current owner of Jinzo a hug.

Joey ran, screaming like a little girl.

Espa's youngest brother tripped the brother chasing Joey. Joey sat down on a random bench and sighed with relief.

"Are you going to avoid me all day?" one of Espa's brothers asked Joey. Joey jumped.

"That wasn't very funny," Espa said, as he tucked the offending brother under his arm. Joey's eyebrows went up.

"Fine, fine, I'll duel ya, and beat ya up again!" Joey said, bad accent and all. The entire Roba family sighed.

The two duelists set themselves up in front of the fountain. Espa's second-oldest brother caught Espa's middle brother as the latter attempted to dump Espa's youngest brother into the fountain.

"Er. . .wanna play with half the normal Life Points?" Espa asked. Joey regarded the scene at the fountain, and nodded. It wouldn't be long before the brothers started to interfere with the duel. Both duel disks were initialized at 4000 Life Points.

"Since I'm the one that had to wake up early, I'm going first!" Joey stated.

"It's two in the afternoon," Espa said, VERY flatly.

"Yeah. . .well. . .I know that! It's still early!" Joey said, as he drew his hand.

"I'll play Masaki the Legendary Swordsman in defense mode, and I'll set one card face down. Go ahead, you. . .HEY, LET GO OF THAT!" Joey addressed Espa, and his second-youngest brother, who had a firm grip on Joey's leg.

"Very well, I'll set this and this and end my turn," Espa said. One set monster and some Magic/Trap card appeared on Espa's side of the field.

"It's my. . .ooh, what's this? Hmm," Joey muttered to himself. Espa wondered if Joey's proverbial screws were loose.

"Hey, it's invisible!" one of Espa's younger brothers said. Espa sighed and carted the offending brother out of the duel.

"I'm gonna activate this! Giant Trunade!" Joey's semi-disturbed laughing scared several random pigeons. Espa sighed and returned his face-down Trap card to his hand.

"Next I'll activate--" Joey started to say.

"Is this a cooking show or something? Do you need to explain everything in steps?" Espa asked with a growl.

"Gee, you're cranky tod--YOW!" the blond duelist yelped. Espa's youngest brother had mysterously appeared on Joey's shoe. The younger of the two cried heartily.

"I'll play Polymerization, and bring out the Flame Swordsman!" Masaki disappeared, and reappeard with a flaming sword.

"Now I'm gonna get rid of your face-down monster!" Joey exclaimed, for the umpteenth time.

"Get a life," Espa muttered to himself, as his face-down monster flipped face-up. It was a Roulette Barrel. Joey swore.

"Don't use that kind of language in front of my brothers!" Espa screamed. Joey turned white, as his Life Points took a minor nosedive.

"I'll set this card again, and let you go, Your Pastiness," Joey said with sarcasm.

"You're irritating," Espa stated, as he drew. One of Espa's pale eyebrows went up. This could not be happening.

"I'll--hey, knock it off!" Espa said, very irritated. Espa's middle brother jumped up and down on Joey's face-down card.

"I sacrifice my Roulette Barrel to bring this out!" The Roulette Barrel vanished. In its place, a redhead with a can of lighter fluid and a sword appeared. Espa read the card aloud. Joey and all of Espa's brothers oohed their admiration.

_WTF-39_

_Freaky the Matchstick General_

_If this card attacks a Fire-type monster, double the attack of this card, then destroy this card during the End Phase of the turn in which the beginning of this very long sentence was executed._

_Earth/Warrior/Effect; 6; 2100/0; Rare_

"But there's no. . .wait a minute!" Joey's eyes went wide, as the Matchstick General doused his sword (which was a rapier, in case anyone was interested) in lighter fluid.

Freaky wound up, then charged full-on, sword-first into the Flame Swordsman. The latter swung his sword. A brilliant explosion lit up the field. Joey's face fell, as his Life Points hit 1400.

"I'll set this card, and play this one," Espa said smoothly. Before Espa put his card into the duel disk, he read the effect aloud, very loudly. Then he took out a roll of spare duct tape and taped all four of his brothers to a nearby park bench. Joey sweatdropped. The two duelists then walked closer to each other, so that they could see what the other duelist did.

_WTF-14_

_The Beauty of Silence_

_Neither you or your opponent can speak. Put 1 counter on this card for every one of your Standby Phases that passes after this card is activated. The first person to speak, for any reason at all, takes Direct Damage equal to the number of counters on this card x 450 Life Points._

_Ultra Rare; Continuous (Magic)_

Espa ended his turn; Joey nodded, and drew a card. A monster appeared on his side of the field. It was DJ Lilith, oversized belt pouches and all.

Joey put an equip card on Lilith. Espa's eyes widened. He managed to read most of the effect.

_WTF-50_

_Nail Polish_

_This card can only be equipped to "DJ Celica", "DJ Erika", "DJ Nyah", "DJ Lilith", "DJ Tsugaru", "DJ Iroha", or "DJ Sakura". Increase the equipped monster's attack points by 500 Points._

_Common, Equip (Magic)_

Joey nodded at Lilith. The latter took out a spell book. Espa flipped his face-down face-up. Joey read the effect, and shook his head. It was Volume Control. Since Joey couldn't even spell chemistry, DJ Lilith simply put her spell book away. Her ever-gloomy expression didn't change.

Espa drew, and blinked. Today must not have been his lucky day. He placed the card he drew face-down, and ended his turn.

Joey drew, and nodded at Lilith again. The latter took out her spell book (again), and this time, she wasn't interrupted. Espa's Life Points dropped to 1700.

Espa drew again. His eyes went wide. What kind of combo was this? He sighed mentally, then played his Reflect Bounder in Attack mode. Joey did his best not to look worried. It didn't matter, for it was Joey's turn.

Joey drew, and smiled. He played something in face-down Defense position, and motioned for Espa to go.

Espa drew, then smiled right back at Joey. He didn't need to use what he had just drawn just yet. He motioned for Joey to go.

Joey drew, then sacrificed DJ Lilith and his face-down card for his pet, the Red-Eyes Black Dragon. Espa rolled his eyes. Joey then slapped something on the Dragon that Espa didn't recognize.

_WTF-27_

_Clear Eyes_

_This card can only be equipped to a "Red-Eyes Black Dragon". The equipped monster gains 600 Attack Points and 500 Defense Points. Change the attribute of the equipped monster to Light. Wow._

_Common; Equip (Magic)_

The Red-Eyes Black Dragon in front of Espa began to change. In moments, Espa found himself staring at a Blue-Eyes White Dragon. Espa blanched.

Apparantly, the shock of seeing his beloved Red-Eyes turn into. . .that made Joey forget about the rest of his turn. He simply motioned for Espa to go. A tear trickled down the corner of one of Joey's eyes.

Espa drew. There was a way to get that stupid dragon off the field, but he'd have to sacrifice some Life Points to do so. He summoned DJ Tekka. The aspiring sushi chef popped out, with a bandage across his hand. Espa shook his head. DJ Tekka pouted cutely.

Espa motioned for DJ Tekka to attack. DJ Tekka gave him a confused look. Espa did his best to smile. DJ Tekka threw his hands in the air, and rushed the mutated Red-Eyes. Red-Eyes breathed. During the attack, Espa had activated FNA Surgery. Joey's monster was now considered a DJ.

Espa winced as his Life Points plummeted to 600. Once the dust cleared, Espa smiled at his Graveyard, then activated a Magic card that he was sure Joey had never been hit with before.

_WTF-1_

_After Genocide Another_

_This card can only be activated during Main Phase 2. Destroy all monsters with the word "DJ" in their name that were a part of the previous Battle Phase (except for DJ Nyah)._

_Rare (Magic)_

With a silent roar, Joey's only monster exploded into tiny bits. Espa's brothers oohed and ahhed. One of them burped.

Espa played two cards face-down and ended his turn. Joey drew, silent as ever. He played a non-monster face-down, and ended his turn, too. At the end of Joey's turn, Espa activated the card he had thrown down.

_WTF-58_

_Improperly Activated Magic Card_

_This card must be activated at a time when a Normal Magic Card is NOT supposed to be activated. Return one card from your Graveyard to your Deck, then shuffle your Deck AND your opponent's Deck._

_Rare (Magic, obviously)_

Espa yanked DJ Tekka from his Graveyard, then proceeded to shuffle both decks. Joey arched an eyebrow, and drew. He played a monster in face-down Defense position and ended his turn.

Espa drew, and somehow kept a giggle to himself. He turned Joey's face-down monster into Crossout bait. Joey blinked, then revealed his face-down monster. It was the Swordsman of Lanstar. Nothing interesting, really.

Joey drew, and played Confiscate. Espa revealed his face-down. It was too perfect.

_WTF-4_

_Double or Nothing_

_You can only activate this card when your opponent activates a card effect that specifies a specific amount of Life Points to be paid, or a card that specifies a multiple of life points to be paid. Your opponent must pay double the specified/chosen Life Points. If he/she cannot/does not want to, negate the effect of that card, and if that card is a Magic or Trap card, destroy it._

_Rare; Counter (Trap)_

Joey obviously couldn't pay 2000 Life Points, so his Confiscate simply fizzled. Espa did his best to look smug. Espa's second-youngest brother stuck his tongue out at Joey, who wasn't paying attention to the bench.

Espa drew. A very pretty monster stared back at him. It was time to get Jinzo back. Espa played DJ Xiatian face-up. . .

. . .and Joey flipped his Bottomless Trap Hole face-up. DJ Xiatian disappeared before she could even make an appearance. Espa fumed.

Joey drew, set a Monster, and ended his turn, like a good dog.

Espa drew, then set his own Monster, and ended his turn too, like a good aniki.

One of Espa's brothers yawned loudly.

Joey drew, and sacrificed his Mystery Monster for Jinzo. Espa knew that if Jinzo had eyes, it would have blinked. Jinzo attacked Espa's face-down card, which was another Roulette Barrel. The Barrel exploded (but not with monkeys).

Espa drew, and breathed a mental sigh of relief. He was saved. . .for now. He played a Magic card he'd been dying to play for a long, long time.

_WTF-46_

_Very Revealing Swords_

_Take off one article of clothing (if it comes in a pair, then it's considered one article) during your opponent's Standby Phase to prevent your opponent from declaring an attack for the duration of that turn. You may use this effect for up to three articles of clothing. If you cannot/will not remove an article of clothing, destroy this card. You are not allowed to break any laws regarding public decency._

_Common; Continuous (Magic)_

"OH HELL NO!" Joey screamed, after reading the effect of the card. Jinzo facefaulted, green as a pea. Joey's Life Points fell to 0 and then some, thanks to The Beauty of Silence. Espa grinned. Espa's brothers cheered.

"I'd like my. . ." Espa said, and trailed off. Jinzo still looked green.

"Hey, what's wrong with him?" Joey asked. Jinzo looked up at Joey. If it had eyes, it would have had puppy dog eyes.

"Are you telling me that you don't want to come with me?" Espa asked Jinzo. Jinzo nodded.

"Well, well, you've been rejected by your own monster!" Joey exclaimed.

"Will you come back with me some other time?" Espa asked Jinzo. Jinzo nodded.

"Very well, you may stay with Joey for now. If you ever want to come back, please let Joey know," Espa said. Jinzo nodded before disappearing.

"Hey aniki, I gotta pee," the middle brother stated. Espa looked around, but only saw Joey's back, which was disappearing rapidly. He sighed. How was he supposed to get that duct tape off?

Somewhere, in another world, Jinzo regarded Espa's plight, and did its own version of a giggle.

x.x.x

Author's notes, extended

I do NOT own anything related to IIDX, or any variations of Poker. Sorry. I also do not own any commercially made products.

"I Was The One" is a song by good-cool, that really has very little to do with anything, other than the fact that Espa was the one that originally owned Jinzo. This song debuted in Beatmania IIDX 2nd Style.

Freaky the Matchstick General is the last part of the parody of the Freed series. Its effect was something I'd had in my mind for a while.

"The Beauty of Silence" is a song by Svenson and Gielsen, which debuted in Beatmania IIDX 7th Style. It's a nice trance song. I made this card effect because I think that most duelists talk too much.

Nail Polish is a reference to the fact that all the female DJ characters (as well as DJ Siren) wear nail polish. The 500 Attack has something to do with fingers. . .

Clear Eyes is a nice product which I don't own. It basically turns an itchy Red-Eyes Black Dragon into a Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

After Genocide Another is a reference to two things. Its effect is quite similar to After Genocide (which was later renamed After the Struggle). "Genocide" is a song by dj Killer whose Another note pattern debuted as the extra stage in Beatmania IIDX RED. Get it? No? Really? Aw, man. . .

The Improperly Activated Magic Card was put in by me as a protest to Yugi and Co.'s habit of activating all sorts of Magic cards on the wrong turn.

Double or Nothing is a term used in certain gambling games (i.e. blackjack). It's used to double a bet.

The Very Revealing Swords was a group effort on the part of me and at least two other people. The effect was meant to scare off other duelists. It also triggers "The Beauty of Silence"'s effect quite nicely. Joey screamed because he didn't want to see Espa in less than what he was already wearing. Given Espa's lack of pigmentation, I don't blame Joey for screaming.

I've got a couple more things to wrap up, then a card list, then a sequel to write. About a quarter of the cards are already done for the sequel to this story, so stay tuned. . .

Varon: Yeah, and she'll start it when the chickens come home.


End file.
